When English is good--as yours is--different native speakers will have different ideas about changes. Here are "nitpicks," i.e. small things that caught my eye. These are my personal opinions. "Stage" suggests an extended period of time and doesn't go well with "choosing." I suggest "important decision." Since the survey was in the past and is a limited sample, not a universal truth, I prefer the use of the past tense: "cited" parents, "chose" friends, "was" the least favored factor. "Another role model" is awkward because it leads us expect a change of subject. Perhaps "Role models other than parents were the least favored factor..." "Authoritative" usually suggests "accurate;" e.g. dictionaries are authoritative. I suggest "influential." "Reveal" carries the idea of exposing something secret or hidden. I suggest "mass media is more influential because it is where people get their impressions of jobs and professions." In the last sentence, "choosing" doesn't fit. It not the "choosing" that has a disadvantage, it is the _job._ I would also mention "people who work in this field" first because, because the first task is to locate these people. "I think the best solution to this problem is to find people who work in this field, and discuss the disadvantages with them." The focus on "disadvantages" sounds odd, so I would suggest further changes: "...find people who work in this field, and have a frank discussion with them, being sure to ask about disadvantages as well as benefits.

I just want to make a stylistic comment. Your writing is verb-poor. The only active verbs you used are "is", "cite", "choose", "reveal", and "think". Your active verbs should be numerous and interesting. Try often (but not every single time) to make an active verb the most important word your sentence. This should come easy to you since your native language Russian is verb-rich. Note that I am not counting participles as verbs. They work in a sentence as descriptors (adjectives) or as nouns. In particular, you are over-using present participles. Note in Ahmadi's comments how he introduced good verbs: "identify", "attribute", "emerge", "consider", "hold", "shed". Here is my attempt: Undoubtedly, the time when a person CHOOSES a career is an important life stage for all of us. Most respondents CITED "parents" as a significant influence on their future area of work. Less than a fifth of those surveyed SELECTED "friends" as a factor in that decision. The factor that least AFFECTED their choice was "role model". It is noteworthy that the those citing "teachers" OUTNUMBER those choosing "media" as a factor. This should SURPRISE us, because in my country mass media OFFERS abundant information about current jobs and professions. It is especially important that we RESEARCH occupational drawbacks we may CONFRONT in various careers. Failing to do this can TRAP us into bad choices. Discussing such drawbacks with experienced people best PROTECTS us from such traps.

Your essay is generally well-constructed, but I can offer a few suggestions to enhance clarity and flow. Here's a revised version: Undoubtedly, selecting a future career marks a crucial stage in everyone's life. According to the survey, the majority of respondents identified their parents as a significant influence on their choice of a future career. Surprisingly, fewer than a fifth of those surveyed attributed their career decisions to the influence of friends, making it the least favored factor. Role models, on the other hand, emerged as the least influential factor in shaping respondents' choices for their future occupation. It's noteworthy that a higher number of people cited teachers as the primary factor influencing their career choice compared to those who considered media as a factor. This finding is surprising given that, in my country, mass media holds significant authority and often sheds light on various jobs and professions. One potential challenge in the process of selecting a future career is the lack of information about the drawbacks associated with a specific field of work. I believe that the most effective solution to this issue is engaging in discussions about the disadvantages of a potential job with individuals actively working in that field.

Hi Galina. Well done. This is a very good piece of writing. I might look at the sentence ‘another role model...’. I’m not saying it’s wrong but I’m not totally sure what you mean. It’s possible it’s only me being stupid though lol and everybody else will understand it!