Hi, Tati!

Funny phrases are a great topic! :)

I will also add some of my favorites:

1) Поскользнулся, упал. Очнулся, гипс.

The hero slipped on the proverbial banana peel, fell and knocked himself unconscious; in the meantime the smugglers put his arm in a cast and hide some jewelry inside.  He has no clue what happened, and keeps explaining to everyone who asks what happened to his arm: "look, I slipped, I fell, I woke up - and I got this cast!"  It's a hilarious phrase, to say that you have no clue how something happened.

2) Я еще вышивать умею и на машинке шить..

From "Troe iz prostokvashino".  It's a wonderful cartoon about a boy who runs away from this parents, with a cat and a dog.  In one scene, the family is reunited, and the cat (who very obviously wants to ingratiate himself to the boy's family) is being praised for his cooking, and responds, "well, I also know how to embroider.. and use the sewing machine..."  It's not quite as funny without seeing the actual scene.  Actually, here it is!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE48cQMl4xo

It's a humorous way to respond to praise, emphasizing that you are not going to be humble about it.

3) "Я с тобой уже давно знаком, а этого кота в первый раз вижу!"

Same cartoon.  The wife doesn't want to adopt the cat, and says to the husband - you choose, it's either me or the cat!  The husband replies: "well.. of course, I choose YOU..  After all, I've known you for a long time, and I never even seen this cat before!"  It's an excellent way to end a silly argument with your wife, and I use it very often :) 

4) "неправильно ты Федор бутерброд ешь.. надо колбасой на язык класть, так вкуснее получится.."

Same cartoon. The cat is giving the boy advice on how to properly eat the sandwich with sausage slices (a popular lunch food). He's saying "look kid, you're wasting the flavor of the sandwich. You should turn it the sausage side down, your tongue will feel the taste better". I guess it's a funny way to say, pay attention to the little things in life. Also, the cat might have tried to get some of that sausage to fall down on the floor, for obvious reasons..

Ok I'm gonna stop now. :)

When I first watched Иван Васильевич меняет профессию and my knowledge of Russian was even more basic than it is now, I found the word "Лепота" quite striking. Obviously Russian audiences did too. Very strange! I guessed that it meant beautiful but of course I could'nt find the word in the dictionary. So now I know for sure, thank you :-) I definitely won't forget that quote, all I need to do now is deposit myself in front of some beautiful Russian landscape so I can use it!

Even as a complete beginner, I find your text very interesting. I think idioms and quotes alike are very revealing of the culture.