As I prepare for IELTS exam I have to write an academic essay. thanks in advance for your corrections

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In order to become good members of society, people should be taught to learn so many skills. But most of experts believe that the main skills are learning how to interact with others and how to use tact rather than fighting as hasty solutions to conflicts. There is no arguing that family and school are the first two first places to bring up children for the real world and both of them have their own specific effects on children.

From the first moment of birth, children find themselves in a small society. Many studies on human binges have been shown that a significant part of education in the first years of life sticks in people's minds, so rudimentary essential rules can be effectively taught to them by their families and later would be generalized in real society. For instance by refusing to solve their problems up, children would learn how to be good problem solvers, or by imposing just penalties when they break and violate family rules, they learn to respect others rights.

After spending the first years of life in a family, they still are not ready to step into the real world and require much more training is a must. Being in school is an excellent opportunity for children to experience a somewhat broader society than family, full of people from different walks of life. In this new situation they learn from their teachers how to interact with their peers and learn more about discipline, courtesy, showing coherent behavior, easing group tension, leadership skills, loosing and winning
In my idea, it is crystal clear that school and family complement each other well. But the main point is that even after entering to school, the parent should not abandon their child and continue to teach them through their own valuable experience.

As I prepare for IELTS exam I have to write an academic essay. Thanks in advance for your corrections.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

In order to become good members of society, people should be taught to learn so many skills. But most of experts believe that the main skills are learning how to interact with others and how to use tact rather than to fight in resolving conflicts. There is no arguing that family and school are the first two first places to bring up children in the real world and every one of them has their own effects on children.
From the first moment of birth children find themselves in a small society. A lot of  researches on human binges has been shown that the important part of education in the first years of life stick in peoples minds, so rudimentary essential rules can be effectively taught them by their family and later would be generalized within society. For instance, by refusing to solve their problems for them, children would learn how to be good problem solvers, or by imposing fair penalties when they broke and violated family law, they would learn to respect the rights of others rights.
After growing up in the family they still are not ready to step into the real world and much training is essential. Being in school is a really good opportunity for children to experience a more bigger society than the family, filled with people from different walks of life. In this new situation they learn from their teacher how to interact with their peers and learn more about discipline, courtesy, showing coherent behavior, easing group tension, leadership skills, losing and winning.
In my opinion, it is crystal clear that school and family complement each other well. But the main point is that even after a child enters school parent should not abandon them and continue to teach them through their valuable experience.