Essay fro CAE The task of an essay is to write which 2 facilities out of 3 (sport centre,hystory museum,car park) are needed most in my area.i should give reasons in support of my answer. i would be g

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Essay fro CAE The task of an essay is to write which 2 facilities out of 3 (sport centre,hystory museum,car park) are needed most in my area.i should give reasons in support of my answer. i would be grateful if u correct my mistakes,punctuation and the structure of an essay itself.may be u can also give me some more additional information which can be helpful.thank u in advance! To begin with, i would like to mention that my town has changed for better during last years. Lots of playgrounds for children were made,the area became more greenery.In addition,we have more enertaining places for spending days-off.However, building a car park and a sport centre will be a good improvement of facilities in my hometown. On the one hand,sport is one of the essential parts of a person's life. It helps us to not only gain good health but gives our lives interest, enthusiasm and excitement. A sport centre would make many youngsters happy in my neighbourhood.It will attrack not only teenagers,but also elderly people who could benefit from a sport centre by joining clubs and activities appropriate for their age. On the other hand,a car park is needed by people doing shopping in the area,especially at the market place and shopping centres.And as there is few parking space in my town,it causes inconvenience to local people,especially at weekends,when all nearby streets are crammed with cars.Moreover,there is a great number of people who drive to work using cars.To my mind,they will feel more at ease knowing that their cars will not be stolen directly from the street. In conclusion,noticing all advantages of these two facilities,building a car park and a sport centre should be number one priority of local authorities.

2015年7月8日 12:48

修改 · 3

Hi Cae, I really like your essay and since John already gave you some word by word suggestions, I would just like to suggest that your essay would be even stronger if you tweaked the opening a little. While I don`t offer this as a word for word suggestion, I do hope that it might help you see your project a little differently. OK, here goes: In recent years, my town has seen many changes. Now there are more playgrounds for the children and more greenery. There are many other places that have been built so that people can enjoy their days off. With all these changes, I would like to suggest two more improvements. They are a car park and a sports center. Look at all the benefits these two improvements offer. Thank you for your story!

2016年3月2日

Hello

2016年3月2日

The task of this essay is to write about which 2 out of these 3 facilities, (sport center, history museum, and car park), are needed most in my area. I should give reasons in support of my answer. I would be grateful, if you correct my mistakes in punctuation, and the structure of the essay itself. Maybe you can also give me some more additional information which can be helpful. Thank you in advance!

To begin with, I would like to mention that my town has changed for better during the last few years. Lots of playgrounds for children were built, and more greenery was added to the area. In addition, we now have more entertaining places to spend our days-off. However, building a car park, and a sport center would be a good improvement of the facilities in my hometown.

On the one hand, sport is one of the essential parts of a person’s life. It helps us to not only gain good health, but gives our lives interest, enthusiasm and excitement. A sport center would make many youngsters happy in my neighborhood. It will attract not only teenagers, but also elderly people, who could benefit from a sport centre, by joining clubs and activities appropriate for their age.
On the other hand, a car park is needed by people doing shopping in the area, especially at the market place, and shopping centers. As there are few parking spaces in my town, so it causes an inconvenience to the local people, especially on weekends, when all the nearby streets are crammed with cars. Moreover, there is a great number of people who drive to work using cars. To my mind, they will feel more at ease, knowing that their cars will not be stolen directly from the street.
In conclusion, by noticing all the advantages of these two facilities, building a car park and a sport centre, should be the number one priority of local authorities.

Over all I think it was well written. In the U.S., centre is spelled center, but the British commonwealth spells it centre. Make sure you capitalize the personal pronoun "I". Also leave a space after commas, and two spaces after periods.

2015年7月9日

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