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Serena乔
IELTS TASK1
The pie chart illustrates the four main causes of land degradation in the world and the table shows the percentage of four reasons for that in North America, Europe, and Oceania in the 1990s, which is a large group of islands in the South Pacific including Australia and New Zealand.
Overall, one of the most important causes of the less productive land was over-grazing, and the top 2 reason was deforestation. In total, Europe had the most serious land degradation problem, made up 23%, while North America had the least, only was 5%.
The most serious reasons for land became less productive was over-grazing, which accounted for 35%. Deforestation and over-cultivation were the next two, which was 30% and 28% respectively.
North America had a little bit of percentage of land degradation, which was 0.2% in deforestation, 3.3% in over-cultivation, and 1.5% in over-grazing. While in Oceania, the figure of over-grazing was the highest, which was 11.3%, in the three regions. It also held the least percentage of over-cultivation, which was literally zero. Europe had almost the most serious problem which showed 9.8%, 7.7%, and 5.5% respectively in three different causes.
2019年4月17日 10:41
修改 · 3
* Not expert proofreader.
* I personally would use 'during the 1990s' in writing. 'in the 1990s is a bit more common in speech. Also, I'd move it to the front so the area Oceania and it description are adjacent.
* Not sure if you are meaning 'causes' and 'reasons' to mean two different things, but they sound the same to me so I take it at face value and remove the redundancy. A more succinct sentence is far better.
* The sentence is long but workable. You may do slightly better splitting it up.
* The start of each the first sentences in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs are almost identical (and I would consider redundant). However, after just reading it again it the intended meaning is unclear. I can't comment without the base information. The difference may be that one is 'land degradation' and another is 'less productive land': not sure.
IELTS TASK1
The pie chart illustrates the four main causes of land degradation in the world during the 1990s, and the table shows the percentage <s style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 0);">of four reasons for that this</s> of each in North America, Europe, and finally Oceania in the 1990s, which is a large group of islands in the South Pacific including Australia and New Zealand.
Overall, one of the most important causes of the less productive land was over-grazing, and the top 2 reasons were<s>was </s>deforestation. In total, Europe had the most serious land degradation problem, made up 23%, while North America had the least, only was 5%.
The most serious reasons for land becoming became less productive was over-grazing, which accounted for 35%. Deforestation and over-cultivation were the next two, which was 30% and 28% respectively.
North America had a lesser <s style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 0);">little bit</s> percentage of land degradation, which was 0.2% in deforestation, 3.3% in over-cultivation, and 1.5% in over-grazing. <s style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 0);">While i</s> In Oceania, the figure of over-grazing was the highest, which was 11.3%, in the three regions. It also held the least percentage of over-cultivation, which was literally zero. Europe had almost the most serious problem which showed 9.8%, 7.7%, and 5.5% respectively in three different causes.
2019年4月17日
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