I hope someone can revise my job speech

Good afternoon, sir. My name is Lavender. It is really a great honor to have this opportunity to introduce myself. I am 21 years old, born in Shanghai, and I am currently a sophomore student at Shanghai Maritime University. I am majoring in tourism management. After my graduation, I will receive a Bachelor degree. I want to apply for an entry-level position in sales. And my eventual goal is to be a manager of the marketing department. I have some relevant experience about sales. I have sold pizza and coffee to players when I worked as a volunteer in archery world cup. During this period of time, I gained knowledge about the management of human relations and also sales skills. In addition, I also developed the ability to express myself in English. During another exercitation experience, I sold Carrera Slot cars at the Shanghai Pudong Expo. Those toy cars were very expensive. So devising a way to sell them was a great challenge for me. I decided on persuading parents to buy them, (how did you?). This experience taught me eloquence in speech. Through these work experiences, I have learnt some basic sales skills (this isn't wrong, but it's repeated). I believe I will get better in the future because I’m quite fit for this position (why?). Hearing that I had a chance to get an interview for a position at XXX, I felt very excited. I have a strong will to work in XXX because it is the best in the hospitality industry. I have always cared for XXX Hotels Corporation (also a repeat). The company’s portfolio in shanghai consists of 4 properties. And I am always interested in news coming from your industry. I noticed XXX Regency will open in May(This isn't really pertinent). I also admire and agree with the employee developmental values that the company has adopted. I find that my personal goals and ideas fit perfectly with the company’s goals and mission statement. It is not our abilities that show what we truly are, it is our choices.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to my speech. I hope we can work together in the future.

I hope someone can revise my job speech

Good afternoon, sir. My name is Lavender. It is really a great honor to have this opportunity to introduce myself. I am 21 years old, born in Shanghai, and I am currently a sophomore student at Shanghai Maritime University. My major is tourism management. After my graduation, I will receive Bachelor's degree. I want to apply for an entry-level position in sales. And my eventual goal is to be the manager of a marketing department. I have some relevant experience about sales. I have ever sold pizza and coffee to players when I worked as a volunteer in during the aArchery wWorld cCup. [1] During this period of time, I learned gained some knowledge about the management of human relations and sales skills. In addition, I also developed the expressing my ability of to express myself in English. During another exercitation training [2] experience, I sold Carrera Slot cars in during the sShanghai pPudong eExpo. These toy Ccars are very expensive. So, figuring out how to sell them was a great challenge for me. I should try [=needed to] persuade parents to buy them. This experience trained [=honed, sharpened] my eloquence a lot. Through these this work history, I have learnedt some basic sales skills. I believed that I will be better prepared for in the future because I’m quite fit qualified [3] for this position. Hearing that I haved a chance to get an interview in with XXX, I feellt [=am] very excited. I have strong willingness [=desire] to work in XXX because it is considered the no.1 in the hospitality industry. I always care about for [=pay attention to] XXX Hotels Corporation. The company’s portfolio in sShanghai consistsed of 4 properties. And I am always interested in news coming from your industry. I noticed that XXX Regency will open in May. I also admire and agree with the employee developmental values that the company has adopted. I find that my personal goals and ideas fit [=dovetail, mesh] perfectly with the company’s goals and mission statement. It is not our abilities that show what we truly are, it is our choices.

[1] You could also rewrite this as: "As a volunteer during the Archery World Cup, I worked concession and sold pizza and coffee to players." This highlights the importance of the environment where you were able to gain your experience.

[2] There's nothing wrong with "exercitation" as a word, but for a speech, this would be too formal.

[3] Being "quite fit" implies that you are in great physical shape (i.e. you exercise a lot). :)