Angie
My brother had gone down to the basement to dismantle an old machine (I didn't even know what was that). The point is, that while he was doing that, he started to scrape the machine bottom quickly, and I didn't understand his enthusiasm about that dumb machine. Suddenly, he stopped what he was doing and then he showed me a broad game that had to be played head-to-head. The whole situation was weird and just wondered if that wasn't other of my brother's stupid jokes to make me belive that I was in Zathura movie (it is one of my favorite movies).
Jan 16, 2025 11:27 PM
Corrections · 8
1
My brother went down to the basement to dismantle an old machine (I didn’t even know what it was). The thing is, while he was doing that, he started scraping the bottom of the machine quickly, and I couldn’t understand his enthusiasm for that dumb machine. Suddenly, he stopped what he was doing and showed me a board game that had to be played head-to-head. The whole situation was weird, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was just another one of my brother’s stupid jokes to make me believe I was in the movie Zathura (one of my favorites).
Tip: 1. Phrasing clarity: Replace "what was that" with "what it was" for grammatical correctness. Similarly, "broad game" should be corrected to "board game." 2. Smooth transitions: Use phrases like "I couldn’t help but wonder" instead of "just wondered" to make the writing more fluid and natural. 3. Movie titles: Always italicize or use quotation marks for titles like "Zathura" to make them stand out. 4. Be concise: Simplify ideas where possible to improve readability, such as "to make me believe I was in the movie "Zathura"" instead of "to make me believe that I was in "Zathura movie." Great effort! Adding small tweaks like these can elevate your writing to sound more polished.
Jan 17, 2025 4:32 PM
1
My brother had gone down to the basement to dismantle an old machine (I didn't even know what it was). The point is, that while he was doing it, he started to scrape the machine bottom quickly, and I didn't understand his enthusiasm about that dumb machine. Suddenly, he stopped what he was doing and then he showed me a board game that had to be played head-to-head. The whole situation was weird and I just wondered if that wasn't another of my brother's stupid jokes to make me believe that I was in the movie 'Zathura' (it is one of my favorite movies).
Jan 17, 2025 1:06 PM
1
My brother had gone down to the basement to dismantle an old machine (I didn't even know what that was). The point is, that while he was doing that, he started to scrape the bottom of the machine quickly, and I didn't understand his enthusiasm about that dumb thing. Suddenly, he stopped what he was doing and showed me a game that had to be played head-to-head. The whole situation was weird and I just wondered if that wasn't another of my brother's stupid jokes to make me belive that I was in the Zathura movie (one of my favorite films).
Jan 17, 2025 3:18 AM
1
My brother went down to the basement to dismantle an old machine (I didn’t even know what it was). The thing is, while he was doing that, he started scraping the bottom of the machine quickly, and I couldn’t understand his enthusiasm for that dumb machine. Suddenly, he stopped what he was doing and showed me a board game that had to be played head-to-head. The whole situation was weird, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was just another one of my brother’s stupid jokes to make me believe I was in "Zathura" (which happens to be one of my favorite movies).
Tips: 1. Clarity in sentence structure: Instead of "what was that," native speakers would usually say "what it was." 2. Tenses and articles: "He stopped what he was doing" flows better and is more natural than "he stopped what he was doing and then." 3. Phrasing: "Another of my brother's stupid jokes" is smoother than "other of my brother's stupid jokes." 4. Cultural reference explanation: If you’re writing for an audience unfamiliar with "Zathura", you could briefly describe the movie as a sci-fi adventure centered around a magical board game.
Jan 17, 2025 4:05 PM
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!