it makes sense, but we can cut out some words to make this more effective (I think anyway). Your last sentence doesn't really add anything so I would just say: Some people develop a fear of air travel because they have to give up control while in the plane. Have I missed anything?

There were some little errors on the punctuation but everything else is correct. Some people develop a deep and true fear of traveling on an airplane because they realize that they have little to no control over the flight. In other words, you are dependent on the pilot of the plane. In life we don't have all the control since we don't choose much of the things in our lives, there are many events that we can not control or decide.