Ryan.zhao
Can you give me some feedback?

It is my first time to write a  hint fiction. 

 

        Fire form hiding

A gunshot vanished in the fierce wind.

Jack was licking his dry lips, in the meantime he was holding a necklace and praying, and then he took out a pistol. He was getting into a small dark crowded apartment. A young man was sitting on the sofa.

J: Freeze! Jack put his finger on the trigger suddenly.

V: Why don’t you just give me a shot? Time is money, you are a Bounty hunter right? The young man was very calm.

J: Before you die tell me who you are. Why the client spend a lot of money that I’ve never seen before to kill you.

V: My name is Vendetta, V for Vendetta.

J: Interesting, you mean you like that old movie, oh thank you very much, I loved it too. By the way, you last word suck! Jack laughed.

V: Why don’t you use your brilliant brain to think? In this country who has the net that can get all information about me and find you?

J: Who knows, maybe some fat idiots.

V: As for you, you didn’t use weapon for years, what made you go out and fight for living?
Jack looks miserable.

J: Water.

V: Is the government, they ruin the environment, they indulged the war. They don’t care about the earth because they already moved to the space station with some of they called elites. Look, desert is all over the place, we were deserted here and you were being used. Why don’t you admit the truth? The gun hanging from his hand.

J: You are lying……

V: Think about your family, what have you done these years? You didn’t do anything except watch the government prey the people, they were subject to great suffering! But we are fighting with the government! It is a revolution! You powder the face, we face the powder.

J: I’m sorry, but I …… You say……“we”?

“Hijack!” He feel cold abruptly.

In a large bright room.
“General, the test is over. Loyalty index----30%. Should I wake him up?”
“No, kill him.”

Oct 21, 2015 1:31 PM
Comments · 2

Yes, you should. This is not the place where we can correct you.

October 21, 2015

Maybe I should add it into "notebook"

October 21, 2015
Ryan.zhao
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), English, French
Learning Language
English, French