IELTS writing task 2. Please, comment on my writing task 2. The first essay i have written. thanks beforehand

Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on.<o:p></o:p>

To what extent do you agree or disagree?<o:p></o:p>

    It is argued that because of preventing from paying maternity leave, small businesses ought to not hire young female workers who are not married. In my view, I disagree with the statement given that young female personnel in small businesses should be avoided giving the payment of maternity permission. This essay will first look at employers always need young work force for their business and second discuss how unmarried young women workers benefit the business compared to married female staff.<o:p></o:p>

      To begin with, woman's labor has been proven to play a crucial role in the development of the business world as in each field of society. Many companies that run small businesses are also increasingly looking for young female employees with high potential who are not married for special white-collar jobs such as a personal assistant, secretary. A research about business women conducted by named "Zuleykha" magazine is a prime example, where it is said that young women workforce are responsible rather than the older counterparts and able to stand working under high pressure.<o:p></o:p>

    On the other hand, adolescent female labor forces who do not have their own families in small business focus much more on working than married women workers because of some domestic problems. Furthermore, the youth ones are willing to being promoted in their positions more than married ones and therefore companies should prefer to the youth female employees who are dynamic, able to be appropriate for the tough situations without considering their payment of maternity permission. To put it simply, if the companies evade paying maternity leave in the future, it means that they will not take advantage of the power of youth women workforces. For instance, at my previous workplace some young female workers were fired from the company and in the next months the company witnessed a dramatic decrease in the sales figures.<o:p></o:p>

    In conclusion, this essay does not agree the idea that unmarried youth female employees ought to be refrained gathering by small businesses for the purpose of evading giving the payment of maternity leave. Because of a lack of adolescent women workers, small businesses might face by financial challenges.<o:p></o:p>

Mar 27, 2017 7:40 AM