sarah yasser
I'd be very grateful if someone corrected my writing task. thanks in advance
Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A considerable number of people assert that young people shouldn’t hold leading positions in our countries. Others, myself included, are, on the other hand, opponents of the aforementioned view, claiming that youth represent a better fit for leading governments. As far as I am concerned, the underlying advantages and disadvantages inherent to the brought forth prompt must be pondered upon prior to reaching a firm conclusion.
On the one hand, there may be certain disadvantages associated with youth working in high ranked government jobs. For one thing, many young employees lack experience, owing to the fact that they were not given the adequate time necessary to gain and collect essential knowledge and experiences. As a result, they might not be able to handle situations which an older more experienced counterpart can manage with total ease. Furthermore, the youth tend to be more reckless, because they are inherently more inclined to take risks without looking back or rethinking their decisions, which might lead to fatal, and yet possibly avoidable mistakes. Hence, they might put our governments and subsequently our countries’ welfare at risk.
On the other hand, just as young people have flaws, they have merits glare as well. In my observation, a lot of youth have a new insight and a fresh perspective to the world. In other words, their minds are loaded with innovative ideas, which consequently leads to a superior ability to tackle many of the problems our government face nowadays, thanks to their capability of thinking outside the box and providing smart solutions to problems that their progenitor had a hard time solving. Equally importantly, though, young people have qualities that a great deal of older people seem to lack. They are, for instance, physically and mentally fitter, and are more flexible, all of which are characteristics that not only enable them to be faster learners and more energetic but also offer better work performance for longer working hours and under the stressful work pressure important positions often come with. 
All in all, I am of view that the youth should be given the chance to hold leading positions in our countries. I take this view on account in a fit of the fact that despite some disadvantages raised, the merits galore inherent to young people in higher government positions far outweigh the aforementioned flaws.

Apr 30, 2019 8:05 PM
Comments · 1
1

I only have time to do the first paragraph unfortunately, so...


A considerable number of people assert that young people shouldn’t hold leading positions in our countries.

Excellent first sentence. It sounds very natural to an English reader.


Others, myself included, are, on the other hand, opponents of the aforementioned view, claiming that youth represent a better fit for leading governments.

Too many commas break up the flow of the sentence. Reading this is like riding a seatless bicycle down a very bumpy road. I would write "Others, myself included, have the opposing view and claim that youth represent a better fit for leading governments."


As far as I am concerned, the underlying advantages and disadvantages inherent to the brought forth prompt must be pondered upon prior to reaching a firm conclusion.

This is not a clear sentence. For one thing, I don't know what "the brought forth prompt" is. "Prompt" doesn't convey the correct meaning and even if it did it should be plural because two points of view have been expressed. Next, adding "underlying" doesn't actually mean anything in this context. Lastly, you began by "poisoning the well" as we say, by implying that only you are concerned. I would suggest writing "Prior to reaching a firm conclusion we must ponder the advantages and disadvantages inherent in both propositions".

April 30, 2019
sarah yasser
Language Skills
Arabic, Arabic (Egyptian), English, German
Learning Language
German
Articles You May Also Like
Doing Quizzes is a Good Way to Learn a Second Language… True or False?
4 likes · 2 Comments
Navigating Global Business: The Power of Business English, Cultural Sensitivity, and Career Advancement Strategies
10 likes · 4 Comments
10 Strategies to Keep Young Learners Involved in Your italki Classes
46 likes · 21 Comments
More articles