Funny English

This piece of writing I came across just now made me smile. I wonder what it should be called (a riddle, a poem?) Hope it gets you a laugh. Do you happen to have something silly to share too?


By John_jeni

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple...
Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?
One index, two indices?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
.English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
How can 'slim chance and a fat chance' be the same, while ' wise man and a wise guy' are opposites?

Now I know why I failed in English.

It's not my fault but the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going. </i>

May 7, 2014 1:31 AM
Comments · 14

And why are apartments all stuck together?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

May 7, 2014

How about words that appear to be opposites, yet mean the same? Flammable and inflammable are the only ones to come to mind right now but I am sure there are more. Shall we call them contra-synonyms? 

May 9, 2014

They cleave together so tightly, I can not cleave them apart. (a word that means its opposite) ; )

May 8, 2014

@Leigh: Oh~OK I see :)


@Charles: Flammable and inflammable… mmm… these contra synonyms appear to be enemies but in fact they are buddies, sort of like professional wrestlers, they are just putting on a show haha.

May 10, 2014

If the past tense of "bring" is "brought", why isn't "flought" the past tense of "fling" instead of "flung"? :)

May 9, 2014
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