Please can you check and advise me on my written piece for my end of year Chinese writing test.
please could you advide me on my writing for my final written test in Chinese this year!
Our specs are;
Imagine that you have recently visited a place of interest in China as a tourist.
Write a letter to a Chinese friend, which should refer to a real location, but which may also include fictitious information.
You should include the following points, but not necessarily in this order:
! An appropriate opening greeting.
! The name of the place you went to and if it was the first time you had been to
this place.
! The location of the place (e.g. in which province and which part of China it
was located).
! How you travelled to the destination and how long it took you.
! One thing about this place that you found particularly interesting.
! One or two things you liked and one that you didn’t like while you were there
(e.g. food, attractions, cycling, weather, etc.).
! Say that you very much wanted to go to another place but did not go in the
end and why not (e.g. ran out of the time, felt unwell, etc.).
! How you felt during your trip (e.g. busy, tired, happy, missing home, etc.).
! Your plans to go next year to the place that you didn’t have time to visit.
! Ask your friend if he or she has been to this place and if he or she wants to go with you.
! An appropriate ending.
! Sign and date the letter.
You should use appropriate word order and a wide range of the language
structures that you have learned throughout the module. Your answer must be a piece of continuous writing.
The advisory length is approximately 200 characters
My letter
XX:
你好！
我是静娴， 你最近好吗？
最近我去了北京， 北京是在中国的北面。(this is not necessary, Everyone knows this)这是我第一次去北京。我坐飞机从伦敦到北京花了十四多小时。
在北京，我特别喜欢参观故宫(you don't need to put 了 here)。故宫是清朝的皇宫，坐落于北京市中心。故宫里有很多有趣的塑像， 还有很多展品，真是一个又漂亮又有意思的地方。 (you should add more description in this paragraph, this paragraph is the most important. see info here <a href="http://baike.baidu.com/view/5681.htm">http://baike.baidu.com/view/5681.htm</a>; )
当我在中国的时候，（多余, you should write 我在中国吃过很多美食 ，我很喜欢中国菜， you only like it when you are in china?） 我真的很喜欢吃中国菜， 中国菜真好吃。我也喜欢在北京逛夜市。 不过，我不喜欢北京的天气，太冷了！ (too cold? I think it's not )
我真的想去西安，但我没有时间， 所以我不去了。在中国我很开心， 但是也很累！
明年我打算去西安， 你去过西安吗？你想和我一起去吗？
祝你幸福， 保重！
静娴
2011年9月26日
（in Chinese， Date format is year/ month /day)
Please can you check and advise me on my written piece for my end of year Chinese writing test.
please could you advide me on my writing for my final written test in Chinese this year!
Our specs are;
Imagine that you have recently visited a place of interest in China as a tourist.
Write a letter to a Chinese friend, which should refer to a real location, but which may also include fictitious information.
You should include the following points, but not necessarily in this order:
! An appropriate opening greeting.
! The name of the place you went to and if it was the first time you had been to
this place.
! The location of the place (e.g. in which province and which part of China it
was located).
! How you travelled to the destination and how long it took you.
! One thing about this place that you found particularly interesting.
! One or two things you liked and one that you didn’t like while you were there
(e.g. food, attractions, cycling, weather, etc.).
! Say that you very much wanted to go to another place but did not go in the
end and why not (e.g. ran out of the time, felt unwell, etc.).
! How you felt during your trip (e.g. busy, tired, happy, missing home, etc.).
! Your plans to go next year to the place that you didn’t have time to visit.
! Ask your friend if he or she has been to this place and if he or she wants to go with you.
! An appropriate ending.
! Sign and date the letter.
You should use appropriate word order and a wide range of the language
structures that you have learned throughout the module. Your answer must be a piece of continuous writing.
The advisory length is approximately 200 characters
My letter
XX （XX 前面可以加上一定的限定、修饰词，如“亲爱的”等，看跟你的关系而定啦）
你好
我是静娴， 你最近好吗？
最近我去了北京玩了一趟， 北京是在位于中国的北面北部。这是我第一次去北京那个城市。我坐飞机到北京，从伦敦坐飞机到北京我坐飞机花了我十四个多小时了！ 哦，时间真的是好久啊！
在北京的时候，我特别喜欢参观那儿的故宫了， 故宫里有很多有趣的塑像， 真是一个又漂亮又有意思的地方。
当我在中国的时候那段期间，我品尝了很多中国美食， 我真的很喜欢吃中国菜， 中国菜很好吃。此外， 我也喜欢在北京的夜市走走（or 逛北京的夜市）。 不过，我不是很喜欢北京的天气，北京的天气太冷了！（“不是很喜欢”比“不喜欢”表达的感情更委婉一些）
本来我还打算真的想去一趟西安，但我现在没有时间了（or 但现在时间不够了）， 所以我这次就不去了。在中国里旅游的这段日子，我真的很开心， 但是我也虽然也感觉很累，但是觉得还是很值得。
明年我打算去西安， 你过去过西安吗？你想愿意和我一起去西安吗？
祝你
幸福，保重！
你的朋友，静娴
2011年9月26日
（中文里是“***年***月***日”）
亲爱的XX，
最近怎么样？
最近我去了北京， 北京是在中国的北面。这是我第一次去北京。我坐飞机到北京，从伦敦到北京我坐飞机十四多小时了！
-> two "最近" sounds redundant here; "在" is enough, don't use "是" here; "了" is incorrectly used;
-> 我上个月去北京旅游了！这是我第一次去北京。我坐飞机去的，坐了十四多个小时！
在北京，我特别喜欢参观故宫了， 故宫里有很多有趣的塑像， 真是一个又漂亮又有意思的地方。
-> 在北京我参观了故宫。故宫真是一座气势宏伟的皇城，里面有不计其数的宫殿，到处都是红墙黄瓦，仿佛进了迷宫一样，真是一个有趣的地方。
当我在中国的时候， 我真的很喜欢吃中国菜， 中国菜很好吃。 我也喜欢在北京的夜市走走。 不过，我不喜欢北京天气，北京天气太冷了！
-> 当然，我还逛了北京热闹的夜市，品尝了地地道道的中餐，果然名不虚传。同样名不虚传的恐怕就是北京的天气了，又干燥又寒冷，真不愧是一座北方的城市啊。
我真的想去西安，但我没有时间， 所以我不去了。在中国里我很开心， 但是我也感觉很累！
-> 北京很好玩，但我还想去西安，可惜时间不够了。在中国玩得很开心，不过也累得半死！
明年我打算去西安， 你过过西安吗？你想和我一起去西安吗？
-> 我打算明年再去西安，你去过吗？一起去吧！
祝你幸福！
静娴。
2011年9月26日
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
亲爱的XX，
最近怎么样？
我上个月去北京旅游了！这是我第一次去北京。我坐飞机去的，坐了十四多个小时！
在北京我参观了故宫。故宫真是一座气势宏伟的皇城，里面有不计其数的宫殿，到处都是红墙黄瓦，仿佛进了迷宫一样，真是一个有趣的地方。
当然，我还逛了北京热闹的夜市，品尝了地地道道的中餐，果然名不虚传。同样名不虚传的恐怕就是北京的天气了，又干燥又寒冷，真不愧是一座北方的城市啊。
北京很好玩，但我还想去西安，可惜时间不够了。在中国玩得很开心，不过也累得半死！
我打算明年再去西安，你去过吗？一起去吧！
祝你幸福！
静娴。
2011年9月26日
