IELTS Writing Practice The pie charts below inllustrates the percentage of the global population living in urban and rural areas in 1990 and the prevision for 2025.It can be clearly seen that the tota

Shelley

IELTS Writing Practice The pie charts below inllustrates the percentage of the global population living in urban and rural areas in 1990 and the prevision for 2025.It can be clearly seen that the total propotion of people living in urban areas will be substantially more in 2025 than that in 1990 while the proportion of world’s rural population will have a considerable downward trend. The pencentage of world’s population living in urban areas in 1990 accounted for 41% (consisted of the population of the developing and developed world ,occupying a quarter and 17% ,respectively) before it will shoot up to 59% in 2025, with a marked rise to 46% in the urban population of developing world and a minimal decline to 13% in developed world. In contrast, the percentage of world’s rural population sees a plummet from 58% (52% and 6% in developing and developed countries, respsctively) in 1990 to 41% in which the developing and developed world comprise respectively 37% and 4% in 2025. In summary, an increasing number of people tend to live in urban areas though there remain an amount of people living in rural areas. ps.Could u plz give me some tips on writing this type of composition and what I should improve? Thank u soooo much^^

Jun 28, 2012 7:30 AM

Corrections · 8

IELTS Writing Practice

The pie charts below illustrates the percentage of the global population living in urban and rural areas in 1990 and the prevision prediction for 2025. It can be clearly seen that the total proportion of people living in urban areas will be substantially more in 2025 than that in 1990, while the proportion of world’s rural population will have a considerable downward trend.

The percentage of world’s population living in urban areas in 1990 accounted for 41% (consisting of the population of both the developing and the developed world, occupying 25% and 17%, respectively), before it will (utimately) shoot up to 59% in 2025, with a marked rise to 46% in the urban population of developing world and a minimal decline to 13% in developed world. In contrast, the percentage of world’s rural population will see a plummet from 58% (52% and 6% in developing and developed countries, respsctively) in 1990 to 41%, in which the developing and developed world comprise respectively 37% and 4% in 2025.

In summary, an increasing number of people tend to live in urban areas though there remain an amount of people living in rural areas.

ps.Could u plz give me some tips on writing this type of composition and what I should improve? Thank u soooo much^^

Very great writing, almost perfect grammar and a very natural tone! You need to try to simplify your sentences a bit, and maintain parallelism, so the reader can follow along easier. In fact, I write very similar to you - I make one sentence very long, and I love to add parentheses. However, it's not the clearest style, it's more like a spoken style.

"There remain an amount of people" - this doesn't say anything. You need to specify that it is a "small amount", a "significant amount", or a "large amount", or an "unknown amount", etc.

For example, you wrote:

In contrast, the percentage of world’s rural population sees a plummet from 58% (52% and 6% in developing and developed countries, respsctively) in 1990 to 41% in which the developing and developed world comprise respectively 37% and 4% in 2025.

Instead, you can write:

In contrast, the percentage of world’s rural population will see a plummet from 58% in 1990 (52% from developed countries, 6% from undeveloped ones), down to 41% in 2025 (37% in the developing world, and 4% in the developed).

Keeping things in a more regular fashion and trying to make them more consistent will make it much easier for the reader to follow.

I am not a good writer, but I read a lot, and I would say you have essentially mastered a lot of the hard things like, grammar and tone, now you just need to make it flow more elegantly, so the reader can more easily comprehend your entire statement.

And for the record, if you're writing for school, I'm not sure if my parenthesis style is perfectly grammatical, but my general point is not related to grammar, rather to the sentence composition style - making a sentence flow naturally is very important (and something I still sometimes find very hard to do, even in English, my mother tongue!)

June 29, 2012

also: it should be: "minimal decline to 13% in THE developed world"

June 29, 2012

I can't edit my correction below, it's "The pie charts below illustrate".

June 29, 2012

Thank u:)

June 28, 2012

I would use prediction myself and not prevision. It's not wrong, just how I would write it as a native. There is other stuff there, but I will leave that to the less lazy.

June 28, 2012

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!