Although it's too late to make any corrects, but just for you to see and not to make them once again: 1. similar to + noun or verb+ing (similar to lending..../borrowing) 2. this part - publishing a book or recording an album required great effort to accomplish these goals - sounds a little wierd. It's like you are repeating the same stuff twice 3. and in .....adapt its business..... I'd say ....adjust its business to ......(for differences betweeen those two words check <a href="http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/67541/what-is-the-difference-between-adjust-and-adapt">http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/67541/what-is-the-difference-between-adjust-and-adapt</a>;). However, if I were you I'd write "Now the entire industry has to change and adjust to the change." Actually, here's a nice example of <a href="musicessay.org/bob-marley/">musicessay</a>. It's on a totally different topic but check the structure of sentences and some word combinations and phrases. You can use them in your future essays.

Hey, I would appreciate it if you correct my essay "Music Industry"

Many people in the music industry feel that illegal downloading of music on the internet is a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent this industry from operating.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view

In a globalized world, the internet has deeply shaped how people and businesses interact. We are currently living in an age where the concept of sharing information has a different meaning. In my opinion, it is disagreed that illegal downloading of music through the web does represent a harm for the music business. Therefore, I feel that nothing must be done apart from making this practice legal and change the law where the rights of downloaders would be taken into account.

Historically, the law has procured to protected the intellectual rights of artists and scientists in order to recognize their property on or their work and guarantee an economical compensation if someone decides to use them. However, the Internet has democratized this knowledge and allows people to share a song or a book with anyone if they desire it. For example, there are plenty of websites where people share music with their community and they are not illegal, these actions are similar to lending a book to a friend or to borrow a book from the library. Thus, this is not a menace for the music industry, this is sharing information instead and must (should?)be completely legal.

Some time ago, publishing a book or recording an album required great effort to accomplish these goals. Nevertheless  However,  current technology has made these activities easier to do and incredibly cheaper. Some singers have understood this dynamic and have changed the way they do business. For instance, some musicians upload their music on the internet and their fanbase can download it for free. However, they perform concerts and gigs around the world where the tickets are quite expensive because experiencing a concert cannot be downloaded through the Internet. Downloading music without paying is not a threat to the music industry, it is quite the opposite, it helps to increase the fanbase of musicians instead.

All in all, the Internet has changed the rules about how the music industry is working works. Now it has to adapt its business according to the new technologies. In my opinion downloading music without paying is not a threat to the industry. It is an opportunity to widely publish the works of their artists in an effective way. It is predicted that the music industry will have to face many challenges in the future as the technology advances.

Buen hecho! Diego. You have a real command of the english language. It is a delight to read.

I am not sure my corrections still retained the meaning you were after. 

This use of procure may be useful: http://sentence.yourdictionary.com/procure

Tu amiga, 

Shari

Although it's too late to make any corrects, but just for you to see and not to make them once again: 1. similar to + noun or verb+ing (similar to lending..../borrowing) 2. this part - publishing a book or recording an album required great effort to accomplish these goals - sounds a little wierd. It's like you are repeating the same stuff twice 3. and in .....adapt its business..... I'd say ....adjust its business to ......(for differences betweeen those two words check http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/67541/what-is-the-difference-between-adjust-and-adapt). However, if I were you I'd write "Now the entire industry has to change and adjust to the change." Actually, here's http://musicessay.org/bob-marley/ an example of a good essay. It's on a totally different topic but check the structure of sentences and some word combinations and phrases. You can use them in your future essays.