Lemon, your structure is good.  However, you have a lot of mis-spelled words and other basic mistakes that can be easily corrected with either a spell-checker or your own eyes.  If you submit work with this many avoidable mistakes, you'll have a difficult time passing an IELTS or any other test.

my ielts writing exercise

Topic: Some people think schools should only teach studens academic subjects. Others think schools should also teach students how to discriminate between right and wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Education plays an important role in this society. Recently, purpose of education has become a controversial issue that education should only focus on academic subjects or it should take moral education into the consideration. I am of opinion that every educational organization should not only access to their academic goal but also teach students to have moral awareness.

It is undeniable that schools pay their all attention on academic subjects because the achievement of school will be valued by their students' performance. Many people only know which school can cultivate high level labor without understanding their moral education system. It is also noted that moral education, in many countries, is considered to be finished by students' parents. And this is the main reason why many schools ignore moral education because they believe it can be done at home.

However, some people think that time that students spend in school is much more than that at home, so they believe moral education is a vital part of education subject in school. It is true that many students are invovled in some violent crime, rape or robbery which are not only hurt their own psychological development but also pose negative impact on society. Apparently, school education should take main responsibility to this phonomenon and have responsibility to finish moral education.

For my opinon, it is important for school to teach students what is loyalty, honest, friendly and so on. These are not only can help people to perform well but also can teach them how to distinguish right and wrong. People with those quality are easily to find a job or do something better. And if school can finish moral education well, it also can increase society cohesion and drop crime rate.

Considering the importance of moral education to individual achievement and social development, moral education should be included in curriculums. If moral education cannot be operated well, many problems will happen and pose threaten to our society.