Funeral
He lost nothing in the war
Except his body
And when he went to in his funeral ceremony
No one knew him
But a woman
Who was looking out from the balcony of her house
Waved at him
With a white handkerchief
And in her other hand
A withered rose
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Corrections · 3
1
Funeral
He didn't lose in the warExcept his dead body
And when he participated in his funeral ceremony
No one has knew him
But a woman
Who was looking out from the balcony of her house
Waved at him
With a white handkerchief
And in her other hand
A withered rose
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*didn't lose --- maybe "he lost nothing"? like, "he lost nothing in the war / except his dead body" .... then you wouldn't even have to use the word "dead"
*participated in --- nothing wrong with this, although you could also say "went to" to sound more conversational (which matches the language in the rest of the poem)
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Overall, Kareem, I like this!
0
Hello Randi, thanks for your comment and correction.. In fact this was my immediate translation of a poem I wrote in Arabic language.
0
Hi Kareem, is this a translation of a poem .... or written directly in English? It's very interesting. I love to see people writing poetry in multiple languages!
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