Can you amend my letter
Hi everyone,I'm a new sales person,now I have to send e-mails to my potential clients.But I think there are still some problems in my e-mail.Can someone here give me some suggestions.
Nice to meet you!This is Claire from ***Co.,Ltd in China. I know you from our Canton Fair roster.I'm here sincerely hope to establish business relationship with you.
We are a big Chinese manufacturer specilizing in various kinds of gasoline generators,pressure washer,lawn mowers, engine, welding machines,battery chargers,vibrators. You can visit our website www.***.cn for more information,or if you need, we can send you our catalogue.
Should any of these items be of interest to you, please let us know. We will be happy to give you a quotation upon receipt of your detailed requirements with good service and competitive price.
Maybe you don't need our products at this moment,but please keep our contact information for future cooperation.

Question

Can you amend my letter
Hi everyone,I'm a new sales person,now I have to send e-mails to my potential clients.But I think there are still some problems in my e-mail.Can someone here give me some suggestions.
Nice to meet you!This is Claire from ***Co.,Ltd in China. I know you from our Canton Fair roster.I'm here sincerely hope to establish business relationship with you.
We are a big Chinese manufacturer specilizing in various kinds of gasoline generators,pressure washer,lawn mowers, engine, welding machines,battery chargers,vibrators. You can visit our website www.***.cn for more information,or if you need, we can send you our catalogue.
Should any of these items be of interest to you, please let us know. We will be happy to give you a quotation upon receipt of your detailed requirements with good service and competitive price.
Maybe you don't need our products at this moment,but please keep our contact information for future cooperation.

Answer

Dear[ name of customer]
 Having met you at our Canton Fair, I sincerely hope to be able to establish  a business relationship with you.
We are a big Chinese manufacturer specializing in various kinds of gasoline generators,pressure washer,lawn mowers, engine, welding machines,battery chargers and vibrators.
 You can visit our website www.***.cn for more information or if you wish, we can send you our catalogue.
Should any of these items be of interest to you, please let us know. We will be happy to give you a quotation upon receipt of your detailed requirements. We pride ourselves on our excellent service and competitive prices.
Even if you don't need our products at this moment, please keep our contact information for any future needs.I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours sincerely,
Claire YYYYYYYY
Your title, eg Sales Manager
Name,address, phone & fax numbers of of your company

Answer

hi Claire,

I may not good at amending your letter but I'll just give you some tips in writing a Sales (campaign) letter:

1. capture reader's interest with a benefits oriented headline and lead paragraph. 
2. use a headline in large bold type at the top of your letter. It works.
3. use a strong lead paragraph to expand on that offer. 
4. use the body of your letter to support the benefits you describe.
5. close with a request for the order. 
6. use a Post Script to remind the reader of the benefits you offer.

reference: 

http://notes-in-the-margin.com/2007/08/20/writing-effective-sales-letters-easier-than-you-think/

:)