“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” – Winston Churchill

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” –
Abraham Lincoln

 “There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” – Jack E. Leonard

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.” – James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

<em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner to Ernest Hemingway. </em>

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” -Hemingway in response

And then there was the famous encounter between Claire Booth Luce and Dorothy Parker. Both approached a doorway, and Luce stepped back to defer to Parker, saying “Age before beauty.” Parker without hesitation sailed through the doorway saying “Pearls before swine.”

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.

Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

Hemingway said that Wyndham Lewis had “the eyes of an unsuccessful rapist”!

 “You’re nearly a laugh, but you’re a really a cry.” – Roger Waters

“If you were any sharper, you’d cut yourself.” – From Chip & Dale’s Rescue Rangers!

 “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.” -Dorothy Parker

“Thou hast no more brains in thy head than I have in my elbow.” -Shakespearean curse

“New Zealanders who emigrate to Australia raise the average IQ of both countries” – Robert Muldoon

“The eyes of Caligula, and the mouth of Marilyn Monroe” – Former President Mitterand of France on Margaret Thatcher.

A lady once asked George Bernard Shaw if he liked flowers and if so why he never displayed them in vases in his house. He responded by saying that he did like flowers. He said he also liked children but he didn’t chop the heads off children to display in vases around his house.

Jean Harlowe kept annoying the ballerina Margot Fontaine at a function by pronouncing the T at the end of her name. At one point during the evening Margot turned to Jean and said “The T is silent as in harlot!”

“Americans can always be counted upon to do the right thing – after all other possibilities have been exhausted.”  - Churchchill

Vincent to Whoopie Goldberg “A mind is a terrible thing to waste but yours is an exception.”

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!” – Dumb and Dumber

“Don’t call us – we won’t call you either” -line from South Park

She has all the characteristics of a poker, except its occasional warmth- Brendan Behan on the Reverend Mother

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“When your IQ goes to 10, start selling”.

I wish the time of intellect was still upon you. But alas idiocy was thrust upon you.

“If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin’ rights on that man’s head.”

“If that man had an enema, he could’ve been buried in a matchbox.”

“I’d like to have a battle of wits with you, but you appear to be unarmed.”

“He’s all tip and no iceberg”

One of our old restaurant managers was being berated by some drunken asshole, who said “You’re half the man I am!” The restaurant manager responded by saying “Well I guess that makes you twice as stupid as I am!”

“You seem to have given too many people a piece of your mind”

“Your face and form, Madam, has inspired me to celibacy.

“If inadequacy were a virtue you would be canonized.”

Man is the king of his castle. A king is a ruler.  A ruler is 12 inches.  Still think you're a man?

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

I see your IQ test results were negative again!

You are unique, just like everyone else.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

You are not stupid, just some parts missing.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

You remind me of opium...a slow working dope.

What sexual position do you use to have an ugly baby? Ask your parents.

If you speak your mind, you would be speechless.

If I give you a penny for your thoughts, I’d get change back.

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

Ignorance is bliss.  You must be very happy.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

You must have been gifted as a child. No one would have paid for you.

The meek shall inherit the earth...if that's OK with you.

"You look like shit. Is that the style now?"

"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

Why don't you stick your face in some dough, and make gorilla cookies?

"If you had any humility, you'd be perfect."

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain; you do the most."

You can practise birth control just by leaving the lights on.

At your age, “getting a little action” means that you don’t need to take a laxative.

Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old... Squash their toes with your rocker."

"My dear, you simply look stunning but only on paper."

Sweetly you ask, "Are your hemorrhoids flaring up again?"