Hi, could anyone tell me what band this Academic IELTS task 2 would be please ? I am aiming for a band 7. Thank you in advance!

The media promotes ideal images of male anfemale beauty.
What are the problems associated with this and how can this problem be solved?

-Our appearance can give a bad or good first impression when we meet someone new, therefore we all try to look as good as possible. Unfortunatelly deal male and female look promoted by the media is usually unrealistic and too perfect.This creates some issues in our society.
-The ideal looks presented by the media has a negative effect on people's quality of life. Promoting the idea that women should be beautiful, have flawless skin and be thinn and showing that man should be though and strong has its downside.These unreal ideas make it less likely for people to find a spouse for example, as they can not achieve the ideal look. It can alsoprevent people from achieving professional success, as employers might take appearance into account if it is a company who advertises skincare products or makeup or fitness gears. People who can not live up to these expectations can be a victim of body shaming, and they can develop anxiety and depression.
-One way to tackle this issue would be to show a variety of appearances in the media, which could eliminate the pressure to achieve an ideal appearance. Creating a broader picture of what is healthy and ideal would makenpeople to be more open-minded and accepting. Like this, people becoming anxious and depressed, and developing eating disorders could be prevented.
-In conclusion, These might not be the only problem. I believe the negative effects of promoting ideal beauty images could be solved by supporting a diverse ideal.

Question

Hi, could anyone tell me what band this Academic IELTS task 2 would be please ? I am aiming for a band 7. Thank you in advance!

The media promotes ideal images of male anfemale beauty.
What are the problems associated with this and how can this problem be solved?

-Our appearance can give a bad or good first impression when we meet someone new, therefore we all try to look as good as possible. Unfortunatelly deal male and female look promoted by the media is usually unrealistic and too perfect.This creates some issues in our society.
-The ideal looks presented by the media has a negative effect on people's quality of life. Promoting the idea that women should be beautiful, have flawless skin and be thinn and showing that man should be though and strong has its downside.These unreal ideas make it less likely for people to find a spouse for example, as they can not achieve the ideal look. It can alsoprevent people from achieving professional success, as employers might take appearance into account if it is a company who advertises skincare products or makeup or fitness gears. People who can not live up to these expectations can be a victim of body shaming, and they can develop anxiety and depression.
-One way to tackle this issue would be to show a variety of appearances in the media, which could eliminate the pressure to achieve an ideal appearance. Creating a broader picture of what is healthy and ideal would makenpeople to be more open-minded and accepting. Like this, people becoming anxious and depressed, and developing eating disorders could be prevented.
-In conclusion, These might not be the only problem. I believe the negative effects of promoting ideal beauty images could be solved by supporting a diverse ideal.

Answer

Hi, I think you would just get a 7. Your ideas are good but some of your long sentences are a little bit winding, which disadvantages you a little on the coherence of your text. I would recommend for you to have more variety of sentence structures (use of short sentences to break up your 3 line sentences can be very effective).

Also pay attention to your spelling and punctuation, which are very important in academic English.

Answer

Without reading your essay one thing stood out to me that will hold you back in your writing score. Using point form is not acceptable in the IELTS. Rather, you should be using paragraphs and formatting properly within that structure.

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