martina anghileri
IELTS (WRITING PART 2) Due to the emergence of social media, today’s society seems to be based on external appearance on a larger extent than it was in the past, and money plays an important role in it. Therefore, some people believe that money is a key-factor to measure success, while I personally believe that successful people are those who bring benefits to society. On the one side, people that contribute to society are able to benefit humanity in the long term. In order words, they are successful because they can create something that will be of value in the future and will allow us or future generations to live more and better. In this case not only do scientists play an important role but also teachers. The former because their discoveries in all the relevant fields (medicine, physics, chemistry) have been able to improve the standard of living all around the world and have allowed countries to constantly grow over the past decades. The latter because of their important role in shaping the scholars mind and therefore the future as well. On the one side, rich people are able to provide for the family, invest on education for the children, enjoy expensive holidays and this makes them successful. This point can be easily agreed upon: rich people can bring benefits to their family, to the economy because of their expenses but also to society by being involved in charity for example. However, there are some downsides of this reasoning that need to be factored in. First, not all rich people make money in legal ways or without damaging someone else. Second, wealthy people are often greedy about the sharing of their resources. Finally, it is difficult to associate something so material as money with “success” which is a world more related to inner values. To sum up, despite rich people and people who benefit society being both really important for the present and the future, I would define just the latter as successful.
Oct 5, 2021 5:57 PM
Corrections · 2
This is due to the fact that being rich is not enough but money needs to be followed by behaviours and actions that are able to benefit society in the long term.
Oct 5, 2021 5:57 PM
Due to the emergence of social media, today’s society seems to be based on external appearance to a larger extent than it was in the past, and money plays an important role in it. Therefore, some people believe that money is a key-factor in measuring success, while I personally believe that successful people are those who bring benefits to society. On the one hand, people that contribute to society are able to benefit humanity in the long term. In other words, they are successful because they can create something that will be of value in the future and which will allow us or future generations to live longer and better. In this case not only do scientists play an important role but also teachers. The former because their discoveries in all the relevant fields (medicine, physics, chemistry) have been able to improve the standard of living all around the world and have allowed countries to constantly grow over the past decades. The latter because of their important role in shaping the scholars' minds and therefore the future as well. On the other hand, rich people are able to provide for their families, invest in education for their children, enjoy expensive holidays and this makes them seem successful. This point can be easily agreed upon: rich people can bring benefits to their families, to the economy because of their expenditure and also to society by being involved in charities for example. However, there are some downsides to this reasoning that need to be factored in. First, not all rich people make money in legal ways or without damaging someone else. Second, wealthy people are often greedy about sharing their resources. Finally, it is difficult to associate something so material as money with “success” which is a word more related to inner values. To sum up, despite rich people and people who benefit society being both really important for the present and the future, I would define just the latter as successful.
I don't think you really need your added sentence for the conclusion. Try to avoid simple spelling mistakes, if you can, give yourself enough time for a final check. When I read this essay I thought the question was about social media, but I suppose not.
Oct 5, 2021 6:13 PM
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martina anghileri
Language Skills
English, Italian, Russian
Learning Language
Russian