Raymond Ho
Does this translation sound natural? (cont.) <font color="#b00000" face="Calibri" size="3">

<font color="#000000">This is continuation of the ongoing discussion. I have to start a new thread because for unknown reason I could not add comments in the previous discussion. Really sorry about that.</font>

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<font color="#000000">I appreciate very much SHL’s and Phil’s comments. SHL has rightly said that the translation was far too literal. The translation sounds unnatural because I was trying to reproduce all the meanings of the words. </font>


<font color="#000000">The word peoples was used because the Chinese word 民族 means ethnic groups. </font>


<font color="#000000">I am quite sure that miser is the correct word for 守財奴, but I didnt find it relevant to the rest of the source text either.</font>


<font color="#000000">Regarding “ambitionist”, I was wondering if it is a valid English word but I found it in Wiktionary (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ambitionist). I was unable to find a noun in English that carries the meaning of a person with “vaulting ambition”. Do you have any suggestions?</font>

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<font color="#000000">Thanks.
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May 12, 2018 10:17 AM
Comments · 4

Thank you, Raymond. The word Peoples“ sounds unnatural to me because I never use the word. To me, the plural of people is people. If I speak of „The People of China“ I’m speaking of all ethnic groups, languages (of which there are many) over a vast country. And that’s proper English. .  I never use the word „ humankind“ and never hear it. Just use a shorter version like human(s) that says the same thing. But, here’s a trick. Always look for synonyms. Avoid repetition. It’s better style. Once you use a word once, try to find something that means the same thing but looks different. Example. „Humans have developed a sense that they are above all other forms of life. But, people are on par with the rest of nature?“ Contrast that with,  „Humans have developed  a sense that they are above all other forms of life. but, humans are on par with the rest of nature.“ See how much better, less repetitious it sounds not to say humans twice so closely together? That’s not a grammar, but stylistic issue. English hates repetition and long words (that’s why „humankind“ is a poor choice when simpler and shorter alternatives exist.)


You do translation, and you’re off to a good start, so I encourage you to use free translation all the time to better communicate the message. That’s the Art of translation. Faithfully conveying the meaning without losing meaning. I don’t listen to English language TV, movies, documentaries  unless they’re with a dubbed over German translation. I read only German newspapers and books. Not English language ones. I don’t like reading subtitles so I skip anything with a subtitle. I don’t want to read those. The German translations are often loose translations, but theyre good translations (dubbed over) and that’s part of the Art of Translations. It’s just something you have to get used to. 

May 12, 2018
I’ve had the same thing with the word limit — even when under by a few hundred words, it gets to be a problem.

There are nearly a million words in English, but most of them should not be used in most contexts. I think you mean “an overly ambitious person,” but keep in mind that ambition is usually a virtue in English-speaking culture.

Miser: Appears to be the right translation, but makes no sense to me as a Westerner.

It’s a great exercise, just keep in mind that even professionals generally only translate into their own native language. Also, the material you’ve chosen seems somewhat specialized, with idiosyncratic cultural references and such.
May 12, 2018
Yes, that was what I suspected all along, was that the translation was far too literal and therefore did not sound natural or have a natural flow in English. That‘s something you always have to be aware of in translating many texts.  A professor I had 38 years ago used to say „Translations are like women: when they’re faithful they’re never beautiful, when they’re beautiful they’re never faithful.“. It’s one thing I’ve never forgotten. 
May 12, 2018
The reason you couldn't comment on your last thread could be because of the word limit.  Just a guess.  Someone else had the same problem before and it turned out to be because of the word limit. 
May 12, 2018