Richard-Business Eng
Professional Teacher
Writing Clearly...
The following sentences were collected from high school student essays and published by former high school teacher "Ron Lederer".... enjoy....

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1 To collect sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

2 H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

3 Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars. 

4 A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

5 Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull.

6 To be a good nurse, you must be absolutely sterile.

7 When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

8 Rural life is lived mostly in the country.

9 Last year many lives were caused by accidents.

10 Heredity means that if your grandfather didn't have any children, then your father probably wouldn't have any, and probably neither would you.

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YOUR CHALLENGE:
- Identify the problem or error that causes these sentences to be unclear, and
- Offer a re-write of the sentence to make is clearer
Jun 19, 2020 11:53 AM
Comments · 10
1        To collect sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. = I always wanted to try a flambéed deacon. He must be very tasty.
 
2        H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. = And CO3 is ice.
 
3        Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars. = Sometimes, they use those tiny caterpillars (leeches) to clear blood. But if they VANish, then you still have another problem.
 
4        A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. = Oh yeah, I wonder how long I am still allowed to live in that world of AI.
 
5        Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull. = Unhappy cow, poor bull, misguided farmer!
 
6        To be a good nurse, you must be absolutely sterile. = And I wonder all the time why we don't have good nurses! Are they extinct?
 
7        When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire. = And what shall I do when I don't want to be inspired?
 
8        Rural life is lived mostly in the country. = Sometimes, we call it 'interruption'.
 
9        Last year many lives were caused by accidents. = Wait, until COVID 19 has gone!
 
10    Heredity means that if your grandfather didn't have any children, then your father probably wouldn't have any, and probably neither would you. Heredity + sterility = a misery.
June 19, 2020
William... You are right.
The original funny sentences are a little difficult to re-write.
Thank you for your comments.

Here are a couple of re-writes that help to clarify what the student actually meant to say:

8  Rural life is lived mostly in the country.
8 Rural life means living in the countryside.

9  Last year many lives were caused by accidents.
9 Last year, many new lives were created by accident (or created unintentionally).


June 19, 2020
It's a little difficult to foreigner.But I think it's funny,especially,H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. = And CO3 is ice.Haha,It's a so funny!
 
June 19, 2020
Ekrem...

Excellent re-write.
The English-speaking student who wrote the original sentence surely could have used your help.
Thanks for your comment.
June 19, 2020
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

here it is... my favorite
June 19, 2020
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Richard-Business Eng
Language Skills
English, French
Learning Language