Rainie Fang
Are these translation grammatically okay?

The source language is Chinese and the target language is English.

 

将它(红酒)我在手中仔细观察,它的暗红色中有血的感觉,那正是生命的痕迹。抿一口留在口中回味,它的甘甜中有一丝苦涩,如人生一般复杂迷离。喝一口下肚,余香沁人心脾。

If you hold the glass in your hand and observe the wine carefully, you can see its sanguine colour just like our blood, a symbol of life. Take a sip and hold the wine in your mouth for its aromas and flavours as bittersweet as your life is complex and confused. Swallow the wine and let the aftertaste permeate every cell in your body and stay there enduringly.

 

Please give me advice whether sentences are fine in grammar especially that in grey.

 

Besides, are examples better than their counterparts above?

观察 gaze at

它的暗红色中有血的感觉 you will abserve the dark red tainted with blood.

它的暗红色中有血的感觉 the dark red colour is reminiscent of the blood.

生命的痕迹 the trace of life

它的甘甜中有一丝苦涩 you will taste the sweetness mixed with a bit of bitterness.

它的甘甜中有一丝苦涩 the bittersweet flavour (is exactly the same complicated and blurred with life.)

如人生一般复杂迷离 (the bittersweet flavour) is exactly the same complicated and blurred with life

如人生一般复杂迷离 a taste as complicated and elusive as life is.

余香沁人心脾 the lingering aroma with refresh the heart and mind

余香沁人心脾 the lingering fragrance pleases the heart and refresh the mind

 

If you have even better ones, please reply me. Thank you!

Jul 12, 2014 2:19 AM