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I'm no longer responding to language partner requests unless.....

..... in the very first message that goes with the request the person says something that makes me think that they understand English and my culture and we click well enough to for me to respond.


Unlike most of the other Americans here I always answer people that write to me. I have it clearly posted in my profile that I'm not looking for language partners any more and even to NOT write just hello how are you... yet people still write exactly that... repeatedly! I write back because maybe someone has something they want to say about one of my discussions or to offer something interesting or just because they wanted to ask a specific question or maybe just follow me for some other reason and I just think it's polite. The person writing is using a new language so I try to have patience. I've made some really great friends here who speak native languages I'm not learning so I like to stay open.


When I get hello messages I've written back, "Please read my profile" and then usually people are polite and apologetic and that's it, but the last few people ate up so much of my time going back and forth just not understanding me that I don't want to be language partners with them and the last one called me strange and crazy! I was sure he just could NOT understand what I wrote in English and then attacked me for not wanting to write back and forth. 


So here's my official public request... if you want to reach out to me because you think we would make good friends or for some other reason other than to say hello or be language partners with me, please say so in the initial request as I'm no longer accepting requests unless you say why you are writing to me right off the bat. Even if you just would like me to answer a question or help you with something... that's ok! Just ask immediately. 



Dec 4, 2014 9:53 PM
Comments · 21

I understand and agree with much of what you say here, but why create a discussion about it? Imo, all this will do is alienate partners who can understand you. It's like you are punishing the whole community for the actions of a few members. 

December 4, 2014

haha... it was interesting. so straightforward...
but you know, In some cultures, they don't immediately talk about interesting things or things that they have in mind... In their culture, it is POLITE to first talk about ordinary things like "hi, how are you?" and so on to warm up conversation, then talk about what they want... it's how they grow up in that culture and learn how to talk to's just natural for them...
Some of my family members and relatives live in other countries so I am familiar with these problems. :)

December 4, 2014

Actually, "regulate" would be a better choice of word here Comandante (I read your sentence as control = dominate... funny thing about English, that). :)


I think after being on this site for awhile, you do realise that you need to filter messages and decide who you should really communicate with, if only to save your own sanity and time. We probably don't see that at the beginning, because we want to make contact with people and get chatting and socialising.


Then again, it doesn't look friendly to let on that you are ignoring people. ;) Unless I really want to chat at length in emails, I sometimes suggest that being active on the site is a better way to communicate with me. (I'm generally lazy about email replies at the best of times!)


Extra points to anyone who greets me by my first name in their introduction email - it means they've read my profile. :D

December 5, 2014

I have to that I didn`t understand this at the beginning when I joined italki, but I understand you now Dorothy :D.

And that`s why (one of the reasons) I am tired of doing/starting language exchanges right now.

I would have had composed the same text like you.

But yeah, I have to give aegis some credit. I guess it will have no effect if you post it as a discussion topic unless if you want people to give you more ideas on how you could handle this situation.

Well, I cannot give you any advice since I would do the same and I agree with you ;).

December 4, 2014

You can control the people who can message you. 

December 5, 2014
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English, Spanish
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