Cinthya
VOCABULARY II One day, during the early morning she woke up, dressed in her black boots and her pants and shirt blue besides her black coat; took a pitcher with water and some pieces of bread that put in a little bag pack that placed it crossing her left shoulder and resting on her right hip. Without saying good bye, she left on her way: the forest. She walked during two nights spending getting cold and she was exhausted physically in a bad way but emotionally she still keeps strong. “Just one day more” she said for herself. At night se laid close to a rock to spend the last night before arrives to the forest. She gazed out the night dark and appreciate each star on the sky, thinking about every person who had died in the war and she couldn’t help but cries. She wasn’t able to understand what’s going on with this world, she was awfully disconcerted with the life. The warm light of the sun made Amy to open her eyes and rubbed them. She was on the last part of her way, so she ate the last piece of bread and continued on her way. Amy walked four hours more taking little breaks. Finally, she arrived to the entry of the forest…
Sep 24, 2021 6:45 PM
Corrections · 3
VOCABULARY II One day, during the early morning, she woke up and dressed in her black boots, her pants and blue shirt, and her black coat. She took a pitcher with water and some pieces of bread and put them in a little backpack; she placed it across her left shoulder so that it was resting on her right hip. Without saying goodbye, she set off for her destination: the forest. She walked during two nights, which she spent feeling very cold, and she was exhausted physically in a bad way, but emotionally she still stayed strong. “Just one day more,” she said to herself. At night she laid close to a rock to spend the last night before she would arrive to (or ¨at¨¨) the forest. She gazed out at the dark night and appreciated each star on the sky, thinking about every person who had died in the war, and she couldn’t help but cry. She wasn’t able to understand what was going on with this world; she was awfully disconcerted with life. The warm light of the sun made Amy open her eyes and rub them. She was on the last part of her journey, so she ate the last piece of bread and continued on her way. Amy walked four hours more, taking little breaks. Finally, she arrived at the entry of the forest… ~~~~~~~~~~~ ¨to set off¨ means ¨to start a journey¨ (¨she set off for her destination¨) Options...(these are common wordings): ¨Early one morning¨ ¨a pitcher of water¨ ¨just one more day¨ (¨just one day more¨ is less common, but is also fine -- and it is the name of a song in the play Les Misérables :-)
I think it´s completely fine to practice your English by writing (or translating) small segments of a fictional story. Practicing a variety of different styles of writing is great -- and also, this seems fun :-)
Sep 30, 2021 5:08 AM
VOCABULARY II One early morning, she woke up and dressed herself in blue blouse and pants, black boots and black coat. She took along a pitcher with water and some slices of bread and put them in a little back pack. She carried her backpack across her left shoulder and rested it on her right hip. Without saying goodbye to her family, she left her home for the forest. She was walking for two continuous nights! Her body felt cold and she we as eventually exhausted. However, she stayed strong emotionally. “Just one more day!” she said to herself. At night, she lay close to a rock to spend the last night before reaching the forest. She gazed at the dark night and appreciated each star on the sky, thinking about every person who had died in the war. She could no longer contain her emotions and cried. She wasn’t able to understand what’s going on in this world. She was awfully disconcerted with her life. Next morning, the warm sunlights made Amy open her eyes and she rubbed them. She was on the last stage of her journey, so she ate the last slice of bread and continued her way. Amy walked for four more hours, with little breaks. Finally, she arrived at the entrance to the forest ...
You have the writer's flair but need improving the vocabulary and the grammar. It's an anticlimax to stop at the entrance to the forest. End of story?? It remains unclear why she wanted to go to the forest. Why did she not say goodbye? Why did she not take transport to the forest? Why not write about the forest which would have been more interesting than the journey to the forest? I am just raising these questions for you to think about. You did not describe the colours of her pants. :))))
Sep 24, 2021 9:26 PM
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Cinthya
Language Skills
English, French, Italian, Spanish
Learning Language
English, French, Italian