A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else." The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?" The dog answers with a muffled "RUD." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says, "Ronaldinho?" hohoho O.o

Ok... My brother is a terrible musician. The other day he asked my sister if she had heard his last recital. She replied: "I certainly hope so". A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week. B: That's impossible. Whose baby? A: An elephant's. Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. A woman went to the Doctor and said "When I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw my hair was frizzy, my skin wrinkly, my eyes bloodshot – what is wrong with me?". The Doctor replied "Well the good news is that your eyesight is fine".

What color is a good book? Read. If you want a joke that can translate into other language here is one I like. Three soldiers came to an enemy fort and needed to get past it. They decided it would take to long to go around so they decided they will climb over the roof. The first ,an american(enter your race/nationality), goes first. BAM! BAM! BAM! The guards inside jump as they hear him on the roof. "Who goes there?" they cry. "Meow!" replies the american. The guards sit down. The second, a chinese man, figures this can't be to hard. BAM! BAM! BAM! The guars jump up."Who goes there?" "Meow." The guards sit down. "Pesky cats" one mutters. The third , a Polish man( use any nationality you want to make fun of, especially if everyone present is of one nation and one is the odd duck out), figures this should be easy. BAM! BAM! BAM! "Who goes there?" The polish man replies - "Just an itty bitty pussy cat!"

Why didn't the the teddy bear finish his dinner? -because he was already stuffed !!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha