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Nanako
Could you revise this? Hello. Could you help me with English? Is this correct? Does it sound weird? I agree with the statement that being married is better than being single. But I don' think it is always the case. Getting married at a very early age is not really good for some people. Because once we get married, we would have too much friction with spouses. We would have less time to spend for ourselves for career or future dream.
27 янв. 2016 г., 1:50
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Answers · 13
It's really good but it's just a bit off. Here's how I would write it. I explain the changes below so you have some context. "Getting married young may not be a good idea for some people. Once they get married, there may be too much friction with their spouses. They may have less time to build a career or to follow their dreams." "Getting married at a very early age is not really good for some people." "Getting married young may not be a good idea for some people." In this case, the word "young" would give me the impression someone in their early to mid 20s. Saying "a very early age" isn't wrong but it does give a sense of someone that might be too young. I also changed it to "may not be a good idea" since it gives it a slightly better feel. When you say something "is not good for people", it sounds like it's physically not good for them. For example, smoking is not good for people. Too much food is not good for people. It sounds better to say marriage is a bad idea. "Because once we get married, we would have too much friction with spouses." "Once they get married, there may be too much friction with their spouses." We're talking about young people that are not us so I changed "we" to "they". I omit "because" since it's inferred. I also changed "we would have" to "there may be" because it makes it less certain. It's just your opinion/thought which is not a statement of fact. "We would have less time to spend for ourselves for career or future dream." "They may have less time to build a career or to follow their dreams.". Once again, I changed "would" to "may" to reduce certainty. The other changes are because people typically talk about "building a career" when they are young. Also, we generally say "follow our dreams". You can omit "spend" because English speakers understand building takes time. Hope that makes sense! Let me know if you have any questions :D
27 января 2016 г.
The only thing that I think could be changed is: "Because once we get married, we would have too much friction with spouses. We would have less time to spend for ourselves for career or future dream." I think the following sounds better: "Why? Because once we get married, we could/may have too much friction with our spouses. We could/may have less time to ourselves for building a career or following our dreams too." Since you said "for some people" in the preceding sentence though, the pronoun "they" is a bit better here, although, "we" is not incorrect. So... "Why? Because once they get married, they could/may have too much friction with their spouses. They could/may have less time to themselves for building a career or following their dreams too."
27 января 2016 г.
The sentence beginning with "because" is a sentence fragment. Eliminate the word. (It is better to submit passages for correction as notes.)
27 января 2016 г.
Looks good to me!
27 января 2016 г.
Nanako
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), English, Japanese, Korean
Learning Language
Chinese (Mandarin), English