EunGyeong
I'm appreciate if you chech my writing. I’m not a woman. I’m a lusty young man. My daily routine starts by working out at gyms. (I begin my day by working out at gyms.) Thanks to this behavior (Therefore), I could develop strength to stay up all night. As an extension of (As a continuation of) it, I walked ‘Camino de Santiago’ which is an about 900km route in northern Spain, enduring sunlight of summer and geothermal heat of asphalt. For the 33 days, I walked with heavy backpack weighing 10kg and it led to a lot of blister on my foot. However, I didn’t give up with responsibility for my challenge and finished. Although it was a challenge for my hobby, these mental patience and physical strength could be a good stepping stone for carrying out my internship. I will do my internship as a passionate young man, not a woman. parenthesis is more natural? or not? And I will appreciate if you check the whole texts.
Dec 10, 2016 1:50 PM
Answers · 11
I posted an answer correcting it the best way I could on your previous question. Please have a look.
December 10, 2016
Hi EunGyeong, My name is Billy and I'm a italki Teacher. Here, it's not natural to use brackets. It's better to write short clear sentences. Your piece of writing is quite good. I definitely understood the points you expressed but I would change a few sentences to make a sound a bit better. There weren't any serious mistakes. Well done. Thanks, Billy
December 10, 2016
Thanks to this behavior (Therefore), I could develop strength to stay up all night. - I think the word "behaviour" isn't appropriate here. As an extension of (As a continuation of) it, - the word extension is not appropriate. The idea must be expressed with other words. For the 33 days, I walked with heavy backpack weighing 10kg and it led to a lot of blister on my foot. - I think 33 days must be used without THE. The word "blister" must be used in plural. The word "foot" better to use in plural. When in singular, better to say "on one of my foot". I would be much obliged to native speakers for their help.
December 10, 2016
I think there are some sentences that are rather strange.
December 10, 2016
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EunGyeong
Language Skills
English, German, Korean, Spanish
Learning Language
English, German, Spanish