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Maria
Does it sound natural? (narration) Richard Hendricks creates a music app known as Pied Piper which contains a revolutionary data compression algorithm. He finds two business incubators and has to make a choice. Being indecisive, he plays it by ear. He signs papers that give him the convertible note for funding and establish him and the business incubator as the board members of Pied Piper, Inc. Originally, they started off as a music app, but another company develops a copycat product of his brainchild so he has to pivot it. Now that the investor has been found, all he needs to do is to write a good business plan, define the corporate culture and present it. The next step is a walkthrough. Both companies are scheduled to present at TechCrunch Disrupt. Since their opponent has compression performance equal to Pied Piper (called Nucleus), Richard spends the entire night coding. The next morning, Richard makes Pied Piper's final presentation and knocks the public dead with a product that strongly outperforms Nucleus.
Apr 13, 2019 10:16 AM
Answers · 2
Adam's answer is very good.
April 13, 2019
At the moment, it does not yet quite sound natural, but it is close to a good piece of writing. It depends on the style of writing you want to create as to how to work on it. There are some tenses that don't quite flow. Your text uses present tense where you would normally use past tense. Perhaps it is best to choose an English teacher to make suggestions. Richard Hendricks <created> a music app known as Pied Piper. It contains a ....He <found> two business incubators.... This would be a reporting summary style, but you could also use the way you wrote it as if someone is theatrically standing on stage, telling a story about Richard and his development of Pied Piper. "Let me tell you about Richard Hendricks. He created a ..."
April 13, 2019
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