The assignment for my CAE class :)

Hi everybody....I`m studying CAE course and I hope to get my CAE certificate in a few months :) Our assignment for today`s class was to write a proposal letter to a cultural festival Organiser.I decided to put my writing here so that you could help me and correct my mistakes :) Thank you all :)
( by the way it must be 220-260 words )
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Introduction
This proposal describes some interesting ways that our country could show its contribution to the cultural festival in London. Pronouns (he, she,it) do not need to be capitalised like names do. "It's" is short for 'it is' many native speakers get that wrong ;)

Our national history
Iran is a vast country including containing a great number of different ethnic minorities, each of which have their own lifestyle and rituals. It would be a good idea to have a live performance of traditional dance and music and visitors might enjoy a procession of native people of every region in their own traditional costumes. We say including when we are talking about something we cannot see. (Like 'family' or 'group') We can see Iran and one city is definately in Iran, and another city is not. This means we use 'containing'. Tell me if you want me to explain the difference more.

The great history of the country
I suggest we show a video so visitors can appreciate the great history of Iran and enjoy taking a video-tour to many historical places and sites around the country.
It might be advisable to make some models of real monuments - like for example Persepolis - and give visitors the chance of stepping inside and feeling the greatness of these ancient remains. Very good.

Classic art
Iran is a country best known for its classical music and excellent painting style called " miniature painting " . I suggest we arrange an "Art section " in which the visitors are able to watch a band playing classical music live and then walk along an art corridor to see some excellent paintings by the great Iranian artist "Mahmood Farshchian". We don't just say a 'painting by artist' we say 'an artist' normally. The reason why I said 'the' is because there is only one artist by this name, so it is obvious who you are talking about.

Conclusion
My proposal would give the visitors a real taste of Iran and its culture and I hope it meets gains your approval. 'Approval' and 'gain' go together a lot in English, we call this a 'collocation'. 'Meet' and 'expectation' go well together too.
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This is what I wrote as my assignment. please tell me where I have made a mistake and help me correct it :) You did very well :) I hope I helped.

The Assignment for My CAE Class

Hello Everybody! I am studying this CAE course and hope to get my certificate in a few months. Our assignment for today's class was to write a proposal letter to a cultural festival organizer. I decided to put my writing here so that you could help me and correct mistakes. By the way, it must be 220-260 words. Thank you all!

Introduction

This proposal describes some interesting ways that our country could show it's contribution to the cultural festival in London. Our national history in Iran is that our country is vast and includes a great number of different ethnic minorities. Each of the races have their own lifestyle and rituals. It would be a good idea to have a live performance of traditional dance, music, and visitors. The people might enjoy a procession of native people of every region in their own traditional costumes.

The great history of the country of Iran is that I would suggest that we show a video to visitors. I think that this would help people to appreciate the great history of Iran. Later on, I think that the people would enjoy taking a video tour to many historidal places and sites around the country. I would advise to make some models of real monuments. For example, persepolis can give visitors the chance of stepping inside and feeling the greatness of the ancient remain.

The classic art of the country of Iran is best known for it's classical music and excellent painting style called "miniature painting". I suggest we arrange an art section  in which the visoitors are able to wathc a band playing classical music live and then walk along an art corridor to see some excellent paintings by great Iranian artist "Mahmood Farshchian".

Conclusion

My proposal would give the visitors a real taste of Iran and it's culture. I hope that it meets your approval.