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Ehsan
Are children spoiled or deprived today ? I believe today's children generation are spoil rather than the past . Many reasons exist which were discovered as evidence from parents education . According to many documents councilor refer to them , they achieve incredible's conclusion from running test in different society . Parents do not care about their children independence and always take services to them . They want to fulfill all their children dreams not only the reasonable of them but also most of them and regardless to this issue that maybe their children have breeding dependent on others and in future they can't handle their problem lonely. On the other hand another issue is very important to care is , most children at 21 century are so fat because they fell so far from the nature entertainment , I remember when I was a child , I play in the park and swam in the pool , play football and ...... but right now the new entertainment instrument like PlayStation used instead of helpful game . Regarding this issue most children gain weight and behave unsociable and depress . Today's society by parents hard working deprived the children . Many parents never know about their children situation and all the time forgot their children level in school ,most of them seems selfish and just payed attention to their own life ,most of them want to rid from their children and would careless about their children's future .

Corrections · 5

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People in 'Wall E' !
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Are Today's Children spoilted or Deprived today ? No space after ? but 2 after it.

http://www.italki.com/knowledge/page/Mechanics%20Of%20The%20English%20Language.htm

Look and study my spacing.

 

I believe that today's children generation are more spoilt rather than in the past. Many reasons exist which were discovered as evidence and most were evidenced from their parents' education. According to the results of research which were performed on different strata of many documents councilor refer to them, they achieve incredible's conclusion from running test in different society, the parents were the main cause.  They do not not pay full and careful attention to the activities of care about their children independence and always take services to them. They want to fulfill all their children dreams not only the reasonable of them but also most of them and regardless to this issue that maybe their children have breeding dependent on others and in future they can't handle their problem lonely??? I don't understand what you are trying to say.  Use shorter sentences.  I am only guessing. Most parents just cater to the whims and demands of their children without realizing the consequence that may impact them later in their lives. 

 

On the other hand, another issue is very important issue is obessity in children.  Nowadays, most of them to care is, most children at 21 century are so fat and bent out of shade due to the lack of physical exercise. because they fell so far from the nature entertainment, I remember When I was a child, I played in the park, and I swam in the pool, and played football and ...... [What happened to you now? Have you stopped? If not, you should write to booster your opinion. Children follow by example. If adults don't set an example... How do you expect enforcement.  For example, you say drinking coffee etc is bad for them and you drink them...] but right Now the new they are playing on inert activities such as ntertainment instrument like just clicking their fingers on the PlayStation used instead of helpful game. To me, this is not considered as a physical activity. Regarding this issue most children gain weight and behave unsociable and depress. The demands of today's society by on parents is one reason why discipline is lax.  However, not all blame can be justified in this way. hard working deprived the children. Many parents never know about their children situation and all the time forgot their children level in school,_most of them seems selfish and just payed attention to their own life,_most of them want to rid from their children and would careless about their children's future. Some are not fit to be parents.  They just think of themselves and their enjoyment first.  Children are just the unwanted by-product of their entertainment.  [Sometime, you don't have to so explicit in your writing.  See how I wrote the same thing without so many words.  In this kind of essays, if your command of English is shaky, it is best to write out your thoughts in Persian first to consolidate your ideas and supporting evidence.  Then translate into English.  After that you polish or rewrite in a more natural way in that target language.  Ideas are independent of language. This way, you don't have to concentrate too much on what you are saying. We can then further polish your English.]

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Hello my dear friend Ehsan. I totally agree with the points you have made in your text, which you have written very well and in general the meaning and sentiments have been well expressed. However, there are a few sentences that require a little work and alteration which I will discuss with you later on skype. Jo (Ange)
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Can you suggest anything to change that situation? My 10 years brother spend 6 hours playing computer games and I cant do anything to change that. He is smart and nervious, and spoilt at the same time. He is watching cartoons in English, he is fluent now. Sometimes I ask words I don`t get in English and he help me. For example, I didnt know word "sucks", but he knew, he is smarter than me.
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You absolutely right. If I had the choice, I would have moved to the village.

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