YY English Corner

Yesterday, I signed in the YY English Corner. It was my first time to use my cell phone and attend an English Corner at home. It was a very unique experience.

In this English Corner, each person has to download YY software first, and after you are signed in, you can type some key words which can help you find an "English Corner". Then, after you enter the "room", you should waiting for the opportunity to speak, called "Pai Mai". After that, if there is an opportunity for you, you can choose a topic and chat with the host. Other listeners will send you a flower if your spoken English is fluent or your topic is interesting.

Yesterday, I was so nervous, so some people who heard my voice typed that they thought I was thirsty, but they all liked my film gossip.

We don't have YY in the U.S. so I just searched and read about the concept.  It is a fascinating company!  As a former musician, I understand your nervousness.  Just think how much easier it will be the 2nd time!  I enjoyed your essay very much.  I am sure many of the corrections will be obvious to you.  

YY English Corner

Yesterday, I signed(You have to use past tense here) in the YY English Corner,(space after comma) it was my first time to use my cell phone and attend an English Corner at home. It was a very unique way.

In this English Corner, each person has to download YY software first, and after you have signed in, you type some key words (I would take out the 'can' here just because you are giving guidelines) which can help you find an "English Corner". Then, after you access (the word choice is strange) the "room", you wait for the opportunity to speak, called "Pai Mai".  (two spaces here)After that, if there is an opportunity for you, you choose a topic (took out another can and a would in the next line) and chat with the host. Other listeners send you a flower if your spoken English is fluent or your topic is interesting.

Yesterday, I was so nervous, so some people, who heard my voice, typed that they thought I was thirsty. but they all liked my film gossip.  (This sentence is confusing without commas. Also, we don't usually used typed.  Most people use 'said' even though it was typed)

(It looks like this is just tense issues mostly.  Since you are describing the room and giving instructions in second person, it involves different dense use.  You can technically leave in the can but it looks awkward to a native English speaker.  Great job though, this is a complicated well-written paragraph)

YY English Corner

Yesterday, I signed in the YY English Corner.  It was my first time to use my cell phone and attend an English Corner at home. It was a very unique way.

In this English Corner, each person has to download YY software first, and after you signed in, you can type some key words which can help you find an "English Corner". Then, after you attending in the "room", you are supposed to wait for the opportunity to speak, called "Pai Mai". After that, if there is an opportunity for you, you can choose a topic and chat with the host. Other listeners will send you a flower if your spoken English is fluent or your topic is interesting.

Yesterday, I was so nervous, so some people who heard my voice typed that they thought I was thirsty. However, they all liked my film gossip.

[Good work.  Film gossip is a topic that never seems to run out.]