IELTS Essay: A Visitor In My Country, Thanks so much in advance. (help me with corrections please) Question: A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go

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IELTS Essay: A Visitor In My Country, Thanks so much in advance. (help me with corrections please) Question: A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. I would like to say that the place I would recommend to a tourist who just wants to spend one day in my country is a city called “Yazd”. Yazd is a desert city located approximately in the center of Iran. I would suggest this city because this is an amazing city with architecture, history, culture and nature in which the person could be surprised how a city could garner all those aspects of being a rich city. The city has an over 3000 years history which had been occupied with Zorostrian people with the religion called Zorostrianism as an ancient religion of Iran. There are several sites which that person could visit historical buildings and structures such as fire temple, castles, sculptures, and mosques. The castles are so old that the person could imagine all events happened in the past by walking through its saloons connecting to many small rooms equipped by old made facilities. There are two famous mosques which are called Amir Chakhmagh and Jame mosques of Yazd which are starling places to be visited by a visitor. Homes and buildings are specially built adapted for a desert environment and weather which is fascinating for both Iranian people and surly a foreigner. Besides, there are some entertainment choices in the center of desert such as riding camels and motors, going stargazing at night and so on. Additionally, traditional foods and cookies are well-known and delicious in different kind of places from traditional restaurants to modern restaurants. In short, I think a visitor would enjoy whole the day spending in this city with divers ranges of places and entertainments which that person could chose.

Aug 8, 2014 2:17 PM

Corrections · 9

IELTS Essay: A Visitor In My Country, Thanks so much in advance. (help me with corrections please)

Question:
A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

I would like to say that the place I would recommend to a tourist who just wants to spend one day in my country is a city called “Yazd”. Yazd is a desert city located approximately in the center of Iran. I chose it because this is an amazing city with architecture, history, culture and nature. The visitor would be surprised how one city could garner all these attractions.
The city has an over 3000 years of history, beginning with the Zoroastrian people, who practiced the religion called Zorostrianism, an ancient religion of Iran. There are several sites which that person could visit, historical buildings and structures such as fire temples, castles, sculptures, and mosques. The castles are so old that the person could imagine all of the events happened in the past by walking through its salons connecting to many small rooms equipped by antique facilities. There are two famous mosques, which are called Amir Chakhmagh and Jame mosques of Yazd which are starling (startling?) places to be visited by a visitor.
Homes and buildings are specially built adapted for a desert environment and weather which is fascinating for both Iranian people and surley a foreigner. Besides, there are some entertainment choices in the center of the desert such as riding camels and motors, going stargazing at night, and so on. Additionally, traditional foods and cookies are well-known and delicious in different kinds of places, from traditional restaurants to modern restaurants.
In short, I think a visitor would enjoy spending the whole day in this city, with its diverse ranges of places and entertainments to choose from.

-Very interesting choice. I want to see Amir Chakhmagh, especially at night, and I've always wanted to see a badgir too.

-I think some of your sentences are too long, and become confusing. Consider trying to shorten the longer ones into two concise sentences.

August 8, 2014

IELTS Essay: A Visitor In My Country, Thanks so much in advance. (help me with corrections please)

Question:
A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

I would like to say that the place I would recommend to a tourist who just wants to spend one day in my country is a city called “Yazd”. Yazd is a desert city located approximately in the center of Iran. I would suggest This city is strongly recommonded because this it is an amazing city with architecture, history, culture and nature in which the person could be surprised how a city could garner gather all those aspects of being a rich city. (To avoid repeating "I would", I varied the third sentence of this paragraph).
The city has an over 3000 years history which had been was occupied with Zorostrian people with the religion called Zorostrianism as an ancient religion of Iran. There are several sites which that person could visit historical buildings and structures such as fire temple, castles, sculptures, and mosques. The castles are so old ancient that the person could imagine all events happened in the past by walking through its saloons connecting to many small rooms equipped by old made facilities. There are two famous mosques which are called Amir Chakhmagh and Jame mosques of Yazd which are starling places to be visited by a visitor.
Homes and buildings are specially built adapted for a desert environment and weather which is fascinating for both Iranian people and surly surely a foreigner. Besides, there are some entertainment choices in the center of desert such as riding camels and motors, going stargazing at night and so on. Additionally, traditional foods and cookies are well-known and delicious in different kind of places from traditional restaurants to modern restaurants.
In short, I think a visitor would enjoy whole the day spending in this city with divers ranges of places and entertainments which that person could chose.