The Empty House

     When I was about <em>thirteen years old,</em> my friends and I <em>would</em> go to an old<em>, vacant</em> house on <em>the </em>outskirts of <em>the </em>village <em>we lived in</em>. <em>This</em><em> house</em> was completely empty, <em>and we would play</em> games and <em>tell</em> scary stories <em>inside</em>. One day while we were sitting on the floor we heard a <em>strange</em> noise. I <em>shouted</em> "<em>is</em> someone there?” but no one answered<em>, and we all got scared.</em> Suddenly we <em>noticed</em> a man <em>holding</em> a gun <em>in</em> his hand. <em>We all ran</em> away as fast as we could.
     When I got home I told my mom what had happened. She didn’t believe me; <em>she even laughed</em> at me, so I decided not <em>to ever</em> back there again. A few days later, someone was murdered <em>inside that</em> empty house. <em>and when </em>my mother <em>found out, she </em>apologized and held <em>me </em>in her arms <em>and cried</em>.

<em>This is a good story. Please notice the revisions in blue italics. 
There is no need to use parentheses, just spell out numbers if possible using two words or less. I added some adjectives and changed others to better describe your tale in English. Remember that the best writers do not "tell" the story, they"show" us the story; do you understand? 
Please keep up your writing. It is a good way to build vocabulary and to gain understanding of the mood or feeling that foreign words convey. :)</em>

Essay: THE EMPTY HOUSE

Hi guys! Someone who wanted to revise it? Thanks in advanced! :-) Anyone want to correct this? Thanks in advance


When I was younger (about 13) my friends and I used to go to an old house which was on the outskirts of my village. It was completely empty. There we played a lot of games and told each other scary stories. (puedes decir también "shared")
One day, while we were sitting on the floor we heard a funny noise. I asked aloud “There’s someone is anyone there?”, but no one answered. We were so frightened. Suddenly, we saw a man who had  taken a gun on in his hand. All of us run ran away as fast as we could. When I got home I told my mom what had happened (aquí en inglaterra nos decimos "mum"). She didn’t believe me... even she even laughed at me. So I decided not come to go back there again.
A few days later, someone was murdered into the in that empty house. My mother apologized to me and held in her arms crying.

estupendo ! un muy interesante historia, yo disfrutado lo un montón