Can you help me?

Hi`I have a English resume,can you help me correct it?Thank you very much. You could add something?This is a video script.I do not know if theis suits American minds.Thank you very very much. ????

Hello,my name is Sun Yuehua.My English name is Sherry. (Sun is a good name why change it to sherry?) I come from China, and study inat Jingcheng college and Sichuan University.I am a freshman inat my school.My major is English language.(In America, its common to say I am majoring in english).So I want to go to America to improve my English study.I have many interests,such as ping pong and climbing,and so on.(Avoid using wordy sentences)

Once upon a time, I have work experience which isin selling clothes.If you give me the chance,I will do my work better. I will always work my hardest to succeed.

(Once upon a time, is correct, but very unnatural. It is usually only used when telling a kids story. It is also very unformal. I suggest using what I put in green. Also, I changed the last sentence to make you sound better.)

I am a careful girl.And I have a passionate,positive, and responsible outlook for my when it comes to work.Sometimes I am a little shy,but I want to challenge meyself,and try to do something new.I like America. It is one of my favorite countries. So,I am very happy to get the chance.I could learn more about America by it. That's all,thank you for looking at the video.I’m looking forward to your reply.Thank you

___ - Higher Case letter needed

___ - Unnatural speaking

___ - Correct usage

aaa - Incorrect usage

___ - My suggestion