My Hometown

My hometown is Datong, it`s the biggest city in Shanxi(Province). Datong is a heavy industrial city.(So) The resources in Datong is(are) rich , and(But) the air in Datongis not very clear(fresh). At present, people here are doing things(activities) to control pollution, However, there are still a lot of good parks here,
Datong is famous for its coal and vinegar. They`re well-known even in the whole China(country). Also there`re a lot of places of interest in Datong, for example, nine dragon wall, yungang caves(capitalise the first alphabet)，Suspended Temple on Mount Hengshan and so on. Now(Recently) lots of people from all over the world come to visit Datong every year.
I hope Datong will become more and more beautiful

My Hometown

My hometown is Datong, the biggest city in Shanxi.  Datong is a heavy industrial city. The resources in Datong are rich and the air in Datong is not very clear. At present, people here are doing things to control pollution. There are still, however, a lot of good parks here.

Datong is famous for its coal and vinegar. They are well-known throughout China. Also, there are a lot of places of interest in Datong, for example; Nine Dragon Wall, Yungang Caves, Suspended Temple on Mount Hengshan, and so on.  Now lots of people from all over the world come to visit Datong every year. I hope Datong will become more and more beautiful.

My Hometown

My hometown is Datong, it`s the biggest city in Shanxi.  Datong is a heavy industrial city. The resources in Datong are rich and the air in Datong is not very clear. At present, people here are doing things to control pollution. There are still, however, a lot of good parks here.

Datong is famous for its coal and vinegar. They are well-known throughout China. Also, there are a lot of places of interest in Datong, for example; Nine Dragon Wall, Yungang Caves, Suspended Temple on Mount Hengshan, and so on.  Now lots of people from all over the world come to visit Datong every year. I hope Datong will become more and more beautiful.

My Hometown

My hometown is Datong, it's the biggest city in Shanxi.  Datong is a heavy industrial city. The resources in Datong are rich , and the air in Datong is not very clear ("is not clean" might be better- "clear" is kind of vague; are you talking about fog?). At present, people here are doing things to control pollution, However, there are still a lot of good parks here.
Datong is famous for its coal and vinegar. They`re well-known even in the whole of China. Also there`re a lot of places of interest in Datong, for example, Nine Dragon Wall, Yungang Caves (you might want to capitalize these too)，Suspended Temple on Mount Hengshan and so on.  Now lots of people from all over the world come to visit Datong every year.
I hope Datong will become more and more beautiful.

As you can see only two mistakes and just a few things that could use some improvement, as well as a punctuation typo here and there.  But overall, your English is absolutely excellent!  And Datong sounds lovely. :)