Hello, everyone. This is my first essay.

Hello, thank you for discovering my essay. It is 5am, I fell alseep beside my computer. This is my second time writing to an English persom. The first time i did, was to the IELTS examiner, who gave me 4.5 points, and i never even saw him. I am now preparing for ITELTS for the second time. I don't know how I can get a good score this time. I'm so tired.
Today is so cold in Daqing, North China, so we barely even go out to exercise or hang out with friends. I think if you look at my essay it must be by chance. I wish everyone a happy life, and if you want learn Chinese or know anything about China, I would be excited to help you.
In recent days, China has developed rapidly, but we still have a lot of problems like air pollution, trying to prevent US satellites from monitoring our country and preventing nuclear weapons. (Joke!) We have a lot of nice food, you can use an international shopping comany to buy some vacuum packed Chinese food. It might cheer you up. I want learn to make Chinese pushed noodles, they are amazing. Moddles cooker just use flour, water, and salt. They can made really tiny, noddles which just like hair. but the noodle maker is expensive, maybe 5000¥ which is about $800.
Maybe is not a masterpiece, it's just a essay. Due to the fact that Chinese people cannot use almost any other foreign website, so I have to spend the money to buy a special admin. I am preparing to go to the Hamber College Canada in the September. Who knows what that college is like and who knows how quickly I will learn English, I don't want to spend lots of money in Canada for an advanced language course.  
Make this will have lots of mistake, maybe no one will discover it. The sun is coming up, but I am preparing to go to sleep now, good night and thank you for reading my eassy.
Bye bye.

(This is a Korean star, Taeyeon. I think her song 'I' is really pretty.)

Names of places and people always start with an upper letter e.g Taeyeon, Canada, China.
'I' when by itself is always uppercase.
Full stop (.) and comma (,), come before the space.
Every new sentence must start with an uppercase letter.

Good luck! ^_^ 

Hello everyone,my first essay .

hello ,thank you for discovering my essay .It is 5am,I forget to sleep when I'm by my computer .this is my second time showing my writing to an English person .The first time it was to a man,who gave me 4.5 ielts exam points,and i never saw him again.I have prepared for the ielts exam twice times.I do not know this time i can get how point(How I can get more points this time?).I'm so tired.
this day is so cold in daqing of northern china.so we almost didn't go out to exercise or play with my friend .i think that if you look at my essay it must be god according (Do you mean to say something like "by the will of God?") .i wish everyone happy in our life,and if you want to know something in Chinese i can tell you anything. If you want learn chinese i will be enthusiastic to help you .
In recent days ,china has greatly developed the world ,but we make air pollution,must be prevent usa satellite monitor our country land and prevent laser weapon(joke),(I'm not sure what you're saying here, maybe something like "the air pollution must be prevented by usa satellites monitoring our homeland, which will also prevent laser weapons"?) we have a lot of nice food ,you can use some Chinese international shopping companies to buy some vacuum packed food ,it will cheer you up .I want learn how to make chinese pushed noodles,they are amazing. Moddle's cooker just uses flour,water and salt,they can made such tiny noddles which look just like hair.but the learning cost is pretty expensive ,it costs 5000yuan,which is maybe 800 dollars.
maybe it's not a composition ,it's just an essay.due to the fact that chinese can not use other countries' websites almost .so I'll spend the money ,buy a special admin.I'll prepare to go to the hamber canada in the sep,who know that college is what situation.and who know how to learn english well quickly (also unsure what you mean here),i dont want spend lots of money in canada for an advanced language course.

this writing may be full of mistakes,maybe no one will discover this, say good morning to the sun I am about to go to sleep . 'Night and bless, good fortune for you that read over my essay.
bye bye
(this is a korean star ,taeteon ,i really like her song"i")

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Don't worry about making mistakes, just keep studying and writing, 

if you have any questions, feel free to ask

Hello everyone,this is my first essay .

Thank you for reading my essay. It is 5am,I fell sleep beside my computer . This is my second time having an english person see my writing . The first time I did it was a man,who gave me 4.5 ielts points, and i never saw him. I have prepared ielts exam two times. I do not know if I can get points this time. I'm so tired. 

Today is so cold in Daqing in north China. I almost didn't go out to exercise or play with my friend. Thank you for looking at my essay. I wish everyone happiness in their lives, and if you want know about chinese things or if you want learn chinese i would be happy to help you.
Recently China has been having a big development in the world, we have air pollution, we must prevent usa satellite from monitoring our country and prevent laser weapons(joke). We have a lot of nice food, you can shop at some chinese international companies, buy some vaccuum packed food, it would cheer you up. I want to learn to make chinese pushed noodles, it is an amazing thing, noddle cookers just use flour, water and salt, they can make noddles so tiny they are just like hair, but it is pretty expensive to learn. It costs 5000yuan maybe 800 dollars.
It is not a composition ,it just an essay because chinese computers can not use other countries websites. So I spend the money on a special admin. I am preparing to go to Hamber, Canada in September. Who knows what that college is like? Who knows how to learn english well and quickly? I don't want spend a lot of money in Canada for an advanced language course.
I just wrote this, maybe it has a lot of mistakes, maybe no one will see this, have a good day. I prepare to sleep, night and bless good fortune for you to see my essay over.
bye bye
(this is a korea star ,taeteon ,i pretty like her song"i")

Hello everyone,my first essay .

hello ,thank you for discovering my essay .It is 5am,I forgot to sleep beside my computer. This is my second time to give an english person seeing my writing. The first time was a man,who gave me 4.5 ielts point examiner,and i never saw him. I have prepared ielts for the exam twice times. I do not know this time how i can get how a point. I am so tired.
This day is so cold in Daqing in north of China. so we almost not never go out to exercise or play with my our friends. I think if you look at my essay it must be God according. I wish everyone happy in your life,and if you want know something chinese thing i can tell you all,and if you want learn chinese i must be am enthusiastic to help you .
in recent days ,china had a big development in the world ,but we have air pollution,must be preventing usa satellite to monitor our country land and prevent laser weapons(joke),we have a lot of nice food ,you can use some china international company of shopping to shop,buy some vacuum packed food ,it must be will cheer you up .i want learn to make chinese pushed noodles,it is an amazing things ,moddles cooker just use floors ,water and salt,they can made so tiny noddles which just like hair.but learning cost the cost of learning is pretty expensive ,go to the use it takes 5000yuan maybe 800usa money.
maybe this is not a composition ,it just a essay.due to the fact that chinese can not use other country's website almost .so i spend the money ,buy a special admin.i prepare go to the hamber canada in the september ,who knows that what college is what situation.and who knows how to learn english well quickly,i dont want spend lots of money in canada for an advanced language course.
just write this maybe have it has lots of mistake,maybe no one can discover this ,say good morning to the sun i prepare to sleeping ,good night and bless good fortune for you see read my essay over.
bye bye
(this is a korea star ,taeteon ,i pretty like her song"i")

Good job, keep working, you will make it.