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Nastia
Dear Italki tutors,
Would be grateful if somebody could check my IELTS response to the task on the picture
My response:
Nowadays, stress is one of the principal risks facing people all over the globe. If unaddressed, it comes with inherent risks for our health. This essay will first suggest that the major trigger causing this phenomenon is hectic life and then argue that normalising psychological sessions is the most viable solution.
The foremost problem factor causing stress is the quickly changing status quo. In other words, people live in volatile situations, which they cannot influence directly. Consequently, this puts them in limbo and makes them more nervous since they cannot be confident in tomorrow. For example, in 2022, my brother lived his ordinary life and had plans regarding travelling and a future career in IT. However, with Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, he could not venture abroad anymore, he abandoned his job and volunteered in the army. As a result, he developed a post-traumatic stress disorder, something that he could have never predicted before.
To help people address this issue, it is essential to normalise visits to psychologists. Many individuals hold the belief that visiting a psychologist is a sign of weakness and inability to control one's emotions. However, if each of us shed this stereotypical thinking, people would not be afraid to turn for help and rely on psychological services. This would result in them feeling better and their mental health being improved. In my brother’s case, instead of disembedding from society, he followed my advice and turned to a psychologist, who helped him accept his trauma and start working on it.
To conclude, stress is one of the foremost challenges we currently face. Stemming from current volatile conditions, it negatively affects our well-being. However, this problem could be addressed if societies changed their perceptions regarding psychological assistance and the people benefiting from it.
3 มิ.ย. 2024 เวลา 18:29
การแก้ไข · 3
1
Dear Italki tutors,
Would be grateful if somebody could check my IELTS response to the task on the picture
My response:
Nowadays, stress is one of the principal risks facing people all over the globe. If unaddressed, it comes with inherent risks to our health. This essay will first suggest that the major trigger causing this phenomenon is a hectic life and then argue that normalising psychological sessions is the most viable solution.
The foremost factor causing stress is the quickly changing status quo. In other words, people live in volatile situations, which they cannot influence directly. Consequently, this puts them in limbo and makes them more nervous since they cannot be confident about tomorrow. For example, in 2022, my brother lived an ordinary life and had plans regarding travelling and a future career in IT. However, with Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, he could not venture abroad, he abandoned his job and volunteered in the army. As a result, he developed a post-traumatic stress disorder, something that he could have never predicted.
To help people address this issue, it is essential to normalise visits to psychologists. Many individuals hold the belief that visiting a psychologist is a sign of weakness and an inability to control one's emotions. However, if each of us shed this stereotypical thinking, people would not be afraid to turn for help and rely on psychological services. This would result in them feeling better and their mental health being improved. In my brother’s case, instead of disengaging from society, he followed my advice and turned to a psychologist, who helped him accept his trauma and start working on it.
To conclude, stress is one of the foremost challenges we currently face. Stemming from current volatile conditions, it negatively affects our well-being. However, this problem could be addressed if societies changed their perceptions regarding psychological assistance and how one can benefit from it.
4 มิถุนายน 2024
My response: Nowadays, stress is one of the principal
risks facing people all over the globe. If unaddressed, it comes with inherent
risks for our health. This essay will first suggest that the major trigger
causing this phenomenon is a hectic life and then argue that making
psychological sessions a normal treatment is the most viable solution. The foremost problem factor
causing stress is the quickly changing status quo. In other words, people live
in volatile situations, which they cannot influence directly. Consequently, this
puts them in limbo and makes them more nervous since they cannot be confident about the future. For example, in 2022, my brother was living an ordinary life and had plans
regarding travelling and a future career in IT. However, with Russia’s
full-scale invasion of Ukraine, he could not venture abroad anymore, he
abandoned his job and volunteered in the army. As a result, he developed
post-traumatic stress disorder, something that he could have never predicted
before. To help people address this issue, it is essential to normalise visits
to psychologists. Many individuals hold the belief that visiting a psychologist
is a sign of weakness and an inability to control one's emotions. However, if each
of us shed this stereotypical thinking, people would not be afraid to turn to psychological services for help. This would result in them feeling
better and their mental health being improved. In my brother’s case, instead of withdrawing from society, he followed my advice and turned to a psychologist,
who helped him accept his trauma and start working on it. To conclude, stress is
one of the foremost challenges we currently face. Stemming from current volatile
conditions, it negatively affects our well-being. However, this problem could be
addressed if societies changed their perceptions regarding psychological
assistance and the people benefiting from it.
This is well-written. The only point is that you are taking a very specific example here. I think the sources of stress that apply more generally around the world would be work, education or family.
4 มิถุนายน 2024
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Nastia
ทักษะด้านภาษา
ภาษาอังกฤษ, ภาษารัสเซีย, ภาษาสเปน, ภาษายูเครน
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ภาษาอังกฤษ, ภาษาสเปน
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