Joe
IELTS essay on young people following traditions My test is due Saturday so I try to practice as much as I can these days. I felt a bit awkward while trying to write this one. Again, any help will be appreciated. Thanks. == THE TOPIC == Some people think that young people should follow traditions from their society; other people think that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. == THE ESSAY == People have different views on whether the younger generation should follow traditions or they should be given the freedom to behave as individuals. Personally I believe this is not an either-or situation. While good traditions should be passed on and young people should respect these traditions, I believe they should also be allowed to behave as themselves. On the one hand, many traditions are worth following. There are many kinds of traditions, from national traditions such as celebrating the Spring Festival and the Moon Festival in China, to family traditions or even school traditions. Traditions are often linked to delicious food, arts, bright clothing, family reunion, happiness, cultural heritage, cultural identity, and so forth. They are what make one nation, one family, or one group of people distinct from the other. It is important for young people to follow these traditions so as to make sense of their cultural identity, remember where they are from and have a sense of belonging. On the other hand, I also believe that young people should be allowed to behave as themselves and be different. Young people are at their most energetic and creative age, and they are in the process of finding out who they are. Therefore, instead being asked to watch their every step and follow the code of traditions, they should be encouraged to express themselves freely, choose their own paths, visit different parts of the world and learn new things. In this way, young people can explore and develop their true potential. In fact, many innovations take place because some young people are not satisfied by simply following traditions. In conclusion, I believe that many traditions should be kept and followed, but at the same time, young people should have the right to behave as themselves while they are still searching for their own personal identity.
4 ก.ย. 2013 เวลา 8:59
การแก้ไข · 3

A self-correction according to Katrina's advice.

 


Some people think that young people should follow traditions from their society; other people think that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


People have different views on whether the younger generation should follow traditions or they should be given the freedom to behave as individuals. Personally I believe this is not an either-or situation. While good traditions should be passed on and young people should respect these traditions, I believe they should also be allowed to behave as themselves.

On the one hand, many traditions are worth following. There are many kinds of traditions, from national traditions ones such as celebrating the Spring Festival and the Moon Festival in China, to family traditions or even school traditions. Traditions are often linked to delicious food, arts, bright clothing, family reunion, happiness, cultural heritage, cultural identity, and so forth. They are what make one nation, one family, or one group of people distinct from the other. It is important for young people to follow these traditions so as to make sense of their cultural identity, remember where they are from and have a sense of belonging.

On the other hand, I also believe that young people should be allowed to behave as themselves and be different. Young people are at their most energetic and creative age, and they are in the process of finding out who they are. Therefore, instead of being asked to watch their every step and follow the code of traditions, they should be encouraged to express themselves freely, choose their own paths, visit different parts of the world and learn new things. In this way, young people can explore and develop their true potential. In fact, many innovations take place because some young people are not satisfied by simply following traditions.

In conclusion, I believe that many traditions should be kept and followed, but at the same time, young people should have the right to behave as themselves while they are still searching for their own personal identity.

4 กันยายน 2013
Thank you very much, Katrina. That's exactly the advice I need:) I'll make a self-correction according to it.
4 กันยายน 2013
Hey Joe! Wow, what a great essay! You have a very high command of the English language. I feel that this sentence is a bit awkward though, as you repeat the word 'tradition' too many times: There are many kinds of traditions, from national traditions such as celebrating the Spring Festival and the Moon Festival in China, to family traditions or even school traditions. Instead of 'national traditions' try replacing it with 'national ones' and then remove the word 'traditions' entirely after 'family: There are many kinds of traditions, from national ones, such as celebrating the Spring Festival and the Moon Festival in China, to family or even school traditions. As a rule, we don't like to repeat the same word too many times. And don't forget to put 'of' after 'instead' when using it as a comparative (instead of being...) But these are tiny mistakes that don't affect the understanding of your essay in any way :)
4 กันยายน 2013
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