A Very Simple Version of Mid Autumn Fest.....

I'm trying to learn Chinese characters along with my Chinese and that's not too long. Anyway, here is a very short and simple story about the Mid Autumn fest. Not the best but I keep trying, please feel free to correct.

在很久以前（很久means long times,在。。。以前 meas ... ago），有十个太阳。很多草木都(cause of 很多, here you need write 都, it means all)死了。也不再国泰民安。

一天，一个传奇式的英雄，Hou Yi 后羿用弓箭射下了九个太阳。大地得救了。

后来，女王给了(here 给 means is giving，because of now 后羿 keep the 仙丹，so use 给了 is better )Hou Yi 后羿仙丹，可是仙丹只有一个。Hou Yi 后羿虽然也（according to the next sentence, 后羿 both want to be an immortal and want be with 嫦娥，so use 也 means both .. and...）想成为神仙，但是他需要和他的漂亮太太嫦娥在一起生活，所以他不(use 没有 instead of 不 is better, 没有means has not, 不 always means refused, here ought to be "has not eat")吃仙丹，他要他的妻子保存好。

在Hou Yi 射下了九个太阳以后他是有名气的， 所以很多男人(in this sentence , men translate to “人”)想拜师(很多人想拜他为师 sounds native)。他们中的大多数被后羿所接受。

不是后羿的每一个学生都（because every student means more then one, so in Chinese, 每一个学生 means all of the students, you have to use 都 here）具有好的品行。MengFeng ，他的一个学生，想偷走他的仙丹。
一天，后羿和学生们去的狩猎，可是MengFeng 呆在假装患病（I think 呆在 means stay，so 可是MengFeng假装生病没有去 or 可是MengFeng假装生病留了下来 is better）。当时HouYi 和学生们狩猎去过了，他去HouYi 家，强求嫦娥 给他仙丹。，（if here you use 。 to end this sentence, we will confuse who is she in next sentence）但因为她知道不能打败他，所以她喝了仙丹（因为。。。所以。。。， so here but translate to 因为）。仙丹使她变成神仙越飞越高（。。。使。。。变成）。最后，她停止了在月球上（她飞到了月亮上 An ancient names the Moon as 月亮 not 月球）。
从此，中秋节中国人在经常祈求嫦娥的财富和安全性。

从此，在中秋节中国人经常向嫦娥祈求财富和安全性。

从此，中国人经常在中秋节向嫦娥祈求财富和安全性。

someone 在 sometimes 向 someone 祈求 something.

A Very Simple Version of Mid Autumn Fest.....

I'm trying to learn Chinese characters along with my Chinese and that's not too long. Anyway, here is a very short and simple story about the Mid Autumn fest. Not the best but I keep trying, please feel free to correct.

Very understandable but too Anglicized and some terms used incorrectly. A great effort on your part. Hope that my edit will give you some insight and improve :)

[在]很久以前，有十个太阳齐出/升。There was no problem having ten suns which in the form of a golden crow resided on a tree on an island, taking turns to fly into the sky.  It is flying all at once to the sky that was the problem.  很多草木被烧毁 burnt and destroyed 死了。也不再国泰民安。 In appropriate use of this phrase in this context.  万灵死不如生 Conditions so bad that it is better to die than to live.

一天，一个传奇式的英雄，I am assuming you are trying to say "legendary hero" Hou Yi 后羿用弓箭射下了九个太阳。大地得救了。 More concisely and naturally put, 神箭手后羿射下九日, 大地復回 Divine Archer, Hou Yi shot down nine suns and the earth returned normal.

后来，女王给Not just an queen but the Queen Mother of Wester paradise 西王母赐 bestow rather than just give Hou Yi 后羿一粒仙丹，可是仙丹只有一个。Hou Yi 后羿虽然想成为神仙，但也是他需要和他的漂亮太太 太太 to vernacular here 美妻嫦娥共同在一起生活，因此所以他不服吃仙丹，所以給他要他的妻子保管存好。 What you said was "preserve"

在Hou Yi 射下了九个太阳以后他是有名气的， 所以很多男人想拜师。他们中的大多数被后羿所接受。 

九日被射下后, 后羿声光广揚, 有很多来拜他为師, 大部份成为门生/徒了 The closest western concept to learn a skill is that of a medieval apprenticeship to a master or a guild, where the daily life of the "student" is taken care of by the master or the guild; there are no school fees to be paid; hence more like an indentured servant.

不是后羿的每一个学生具有好的品行。MengFeng ，他的一个学生，想偷走他的仙丹。

每一个门生品格是純正的. 有一个叫蒙逢,想要盗取仙丹

一天，后羿和其他门学生们去的狩猎，蒙逢可是MengFeng 呆在假装有患病。As opposed to contracted a disease. 到当时乘机闖入后羿住处HouYi 和学生们狩猎去过，他去HouYi 家，"barged into Hou Yi's living quarters.  Students are expected to live in the same compound, 强逼求嫦娥交出 给他仙丹。嫦娥自但她知道不能取胜打败他，所以她喝了因此把仙丹吞下。She has no time to "eat" or to "drink" but to "swallow". 仙丹使她神仙越飞越高立刻身如风轻, 向寒月奔飞 Immediately, body light as the breeze and towards the cold moon she flew. 最后，她停止了在月球上。 月球 is too technical a term to be used here.

从此，中秋节时, 人 中国人在经常向祈求嫦娥求福, 求財的财富和安康全性。

This is only one of the many variations of the story :)