Would you give me corrections about my sentenses? Thank you.
My daughter's kindergarten held a Christmas event today. The children played a religious drama based on the Bible. My daughter played one of sheep. She practiced the role several times when she was at home. She played and sang well today. She was satisfied with her performance. I was glad about that.
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การแก้ไข · 9
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Hi Aya,,
I like Leigh's corrections, I would just like to offer a couple of additional suggestions for a smoother flow, they are my writing style:
... She practiced the her role several times when she was at home....
- the role is not wrong, her role is more natural, also more personal and loving (as a mother talking about her child);
- You can omit the "when she was" part and you would still convey the same message, it makes your sentence less "wordy".
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Would you give me corrections about my sentences? Thank you.
My daughter's kindergarten held a Christmas event today. The children acted in played a religious drama based on the Bible. My daughter was played one of the sheep. She practiced the role several times when she was at home. She acted her part played and sang well today. She was satisfied with her performance. I was glad about that/pleased for her.0
Thank You for your correction Paul.
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My daughter played one of the sheep
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My daughter's kindergarten held a Christmas event today. The children played a religious drama based on the Bible. My daughter played one of sheep. She practiced the role several times when she was at home. She played and sang well today. She was satisfied with her performance. I was glad about that.
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