My Dream 2
It was a popular topic among my friends when I was young. Almost everyone wanted to be somebody, and it was easy for children to admire someone with a clear and impressive dream. I was the same. Under pressure from Chinese-style examinations, talking about dreams became one of my motivations to study. But over time, people didn’t talk about it as often. Not only do their dreams change, but they also realize that talking won't make their dreams reality. I had many different dreams as I grew older. In my early age, I wanted to become an astronaut. When a child starts to know more about the world, they are likely to be attracted to the unknown. The universe is full of mysteries and I was full of confidence to discover them.
Another reason is that I can see people show high respect to scientists. At that time, I was very confused about the meaning of our lives. In my little head, for my life to be meaningful was the same to be remembered by people through history. Since it is hard for a child to know what is their favorite thing to do, I chose a profession which is highly recognized by the society.
When I was a little older, I started listening to some western music, especially some rock and roll, and I felt extremely excited about it. It is a special feeling that I have never experienced before. Becoming a musician in a rock and roll band took place of my first dream. But at that time, I could not have a band right away. I was a high student which means I have to focus on my academic study first. I did many silly things for this dream. For example, I pretended to perform as a superstar and my bed was my stage sometimes.
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P.S. This is actually a speech. I gave myself a topic, say it without too much consideration, and record it. My boyfriend said, maybe there are not so many grammar mistakes but native speakers wont say it in this way. Even when they see this text, they will know I am a foreigner.
My question to native speakers: if you were me, how would you say the content which I said above. You do not have to be too formal. Thank you very much if you can help me.
ค้นหาจากครู ภาษาอังกฤษ หลากหลายคน...
การแก้ไข · 4
1
My Second Dream 2 (Or you could say "My Second Favourite Dream")
It was a popular topic among my friends when I was young. Almost everyone wanted to be somebody and ("Sunny, you don not need a comma before "and" as it is a conjunction and it's purpose is to join words.) it was easy for children to admire someone who had with a clear and impressive dream. I was the same. Under pressure from Chinese-style examinations, talking about dreams became one of my motivations to study.(Perhaps an english speaker would reverse this sentence and say "My dreams became my motivation to study when I felt so much pressure from our Chinese-style examinations.) But ( It is not correct english to begin a sentence with a conjunction like "but" or "and") However, over time, people didn’t talk about it as often. Not only do their dreams change but they also realised that talking won't make their dreams a reality.I had many different dreams as I grew older. (Perhaps you could reverse this sentence also and say "When I grew up, I had many different dreams. )In my early age years, I wanted to become an astronaut. When a child starts to know more about the world, they are likely to be attracted to the unknown. The universe is full of mysteries mystery and I was full of confidence to discover them it. (The subject of this sentence is in singular form "universe" so it should have a singular object.)
Another reason is that I can see people show have a high respect to for scientists. (What you said is also correct, Sunny, but when you are talking about someone then it is more proper to say you have a high respect for them.) At that time, I was very confused about the meaning of our lives life. In my little head, for my life to be meaningful was the same to be remembered by people through history. (Perhaps an english person would reverse this sentence also. By saying "For my life to be meaningful or to be remembered by people throughout history was more important to me when I was little.) Since it is hard for a child to know what is their favourite thing to do, I chose a profession which is highly recognised by the society.
When I was a little older, I started listening to some western music, especially some rock and roll, and I felt extremely excited about it. It is a special feeling that I have never experienced before. Becoming a musician in a rock and roll band took place of my first dream. But at that time, I could not have a band right away. I was a high student which means I have to focus on my academic study first. I did many silly things for this dream. For example, I pretended to perform as a superstar and my bed was my stage sometimes.
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P.S. This is actually a speech. I gave myself a topic, say it without too much consideration, and record it. My boyfriend said, maybe there are not so many grammar mistakes but native speakers wont say it in this way. Even when they see this text, they will know I am a foreigner.
My question to native speakers: if you were me, how would you say the content which I said above. You do not have to be too formal. Thank you very much if you can help me.
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Hi Sunny. I have tried to explain my corrections to help you understand how a native english speaker would say them.
You have a good command of the english language, so keep on improving and soon you won't be able to tell if you are a native speaker or a non-native speaker.
Well done! I really enjoyed the content of your essay.
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If you can help me to correct the 2 and 3 paragraphs, I would appreciate.
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