Awesome - well done! When will you open your eyes again? (the will must come before the subject in this sentence - think of other questions eg. Are you...? Answer: I am. Ans. I will open my eyes in 2 years time. Q. When will you open your eyes - swap them over!) You may hear "when'll you" but you must write "when will" When will you see that your life is shameful/full of shame? Who were you (in the past) and who will you become When will you leave this path? (almost - this is a saying "you are on the wrong path", we do not use the word "way" in the same way) When will you achieve your aim? (this aim is specific - but we have not heard that there is an aim - you must explain it previously if you want to use "this" so that the reader knows what you are talking about). When will you cease to cause pain? (you cause (ie bring about to another) or feel pain - you do not "do" it :) Wake up from your horrorible dream (or dream of horrors) Don’t let life catch you in a dirty stream (you can be caught in the tide of water caught up in the problems of life and someone can catch you doing something that you shouldn't (eg. see you) - this shared meaning makes your sentence more poetic) Then you’ll have a chance to see the light beam (chance = opportunity - must be singular here) My hope is like the sea hidden in a teardrop (this means that your hope for him/her to change is huge and you are the teardrop (small) - bigger maybe than the rest of your being - it consumes you. You can also say this the other way around - my hope is like a teardrop hidden in the sea - your teardrop is very small and lost in the big sea - the same as the smallest chance that he will listen to you and change!) My hope is like the sun hidden in a grain of sand (as above - it depends what you want to say - the last may be nice to say "my hope is like a grain of sand hidden in the desert- ie it is lost to him) Very nice and deep with feeling - well done!

when will you open your eyes... when will you see that your life is a shame who were you and who will you become... when will you leave.... when will you achieve... when will you cease causing pain.... Hope....._-----------The Hope is wrong! But yeah, i like your song lol