Necessity of The Violence What is the violence? Necessity or great mistake of the humanity? In the last time I often hear about idea, which claims life without the violence. But it's impossible. The violence (regardless of we like it or not) is the natural component of life. We wouldn't be so complicated and perfect organisms now if we refused to the violence in the distant past. The evolution is based on the violence. To be more precise, evolution builds upon competition, which includes the violence. Predators can't kill victims without physical violence. And if predator stops to kill he starves. And predator will die. So laws of survival demand on fighting and violence. This is true not only for wild nature, but also for the human society. The career ladder, for instance, consisnts of many stairs. And you may face to someone who already stands on spot, which you need. I'm sure the vast majority won't think about ethical side of this situation and throw competitor down. Not because you don't like him or you want to hurt him. Just because you want to take more benefit. If you face with a robber on the dark street, what will you do? You will fight and try to hit opponent. At that moment you won't question about the ethical part of violence. So, people can't avoid of the violence, because it's the integral component of the life. But sometime the violence may be meaningless. For example, when strong people humilate weakers. Only for fun. Such situations demonstrate the ill logic of attackers. Fight or violense requires resource costs (as any acts). And if you spend physical or mental resources in vain, you are very stupid and narrow-minded person. This kind of the violence must be left in the past. So, we can't avoid the violence, because it's one of the key things for the human development. But people should use the violence more rational, only as an instrument for achiving the goals. And you shouldn't deceive yourself — society or nature are impossible without the violence.

Exercise questions I have done exercise and I need help, because some details are unclear for me. I would be grateful if you help me and explain some moments. I will write sentence on Russia, then my answer and right answer in brackets. Please, explain my mistakes. 1. У нас в холодильнике ничего нет - There is nothing in the our fridge (We have nothing in the fridge) 2. Кто-то оставил окно открытым - Somebody has left opened window (Somebody has left the window open) 3. Я никому из них не говорил о его предложении - I said nobody of them about his offer (I didn't tell any of them about his offer) 4. Хотите что-нибудь выпить? - Would you like drink anything? (Would you like something to drink?) 5. Ты бы хотел поехать куда-нибудь летом - Would you like to go anywhere this summer? (Would you like to go anywhere in summer?) 6. Пoлицейский пoкaзaл мне нескoлькo фoтoгрaфий, нo я никoгo не узнaл - The policeman showed me a few photos, but I recognized nobody (The policeman showed me several photos, but I didn't recognized anybody) 7. Oн ничегo не сooбщил oб этoм - He hasn't said nothing of it (Hе іnformеd nothіng of іt)

Disqualification of Russia The news about Russian team's disqualification from The Olympic Games are becoming more popular. Russian mass-medias express the one view of this situation and invoke people to ignore The Olympic Games. In my opinion Russian mass-media are trying to exacerbate the already tense situation. Certainly such news were sorrowful for Russian people. We like The Olympic Games, we like fair competition between countries and every time we belief in the victory sincerely. The official cause of disqualification is using drugs by Russian athletes. I can't say it for sure whether this is the real reason or tool for implementation of political purposes. I'm inclined to think that our athletes use drug no more than athletes from another countries. Sport has one important feature — every real athlete wants to win in fair competition. It's doesn't matter where sportsmen is from, a clean win is the main career goal for such people. Now I see as the new information war burns up between Russia and rest of the world. For example, Russian mass-medias present this news like an unconditional guilty of MOK and European countries. I see as a strong dislike arise in minds and souls of Russian people. Obviously, not everyone shares this position. Russian people who want to see real reasons for latest events try to get more clean information from different sources. Shouldn't think that Russian people don't try to understand the current situation and blame foreign countries blindly. In my own person opinion is really stupid to blame anybody (for instance, any nation) except politicians and government authorities of all countries. Politicians get great profit from information wars when conflicts and humans' aggression transform to money.

Fathom sufferings People create the unhappiness by themselves. In general, many people search reason of sufferings in the rest world. Somebody believes that unloved work destroys his or her life. Somebody thinks that a wife or a husband is the reason for all sufferings. But suffering starts in our own mind and then we're searching ways for explaining it in the enviroment. It leads to struggling with other people and circumstances. But the main and the most dangerous enemy is inside us. We program our minds to sufferings and our minds are searching new causes for a pain in the reality. How can we stop it? I like the one of the basic psychological concept: fight or flight . It means you should make the only definite solution in some situation. You can fight with circumstances and interrupt relationship or situation, which is caused of suffering. For example, you file for divorce, because you understand you can't be happy with this person. And it stop your everyday pain. The second method is an acceptance of the situation with all pros and cons. You don't change conditions of your life, because its not so bad as you imagined. For instance, your wife isn't so grumpy, old or boring how you see her. You should change your own perception and accept the situation. And sufferings will stop too. So, two simple ways and nothing else: fight or flight. The reconstruction of own psyche, especially without help of professional psychologist, is a really hard work. You can't do it with the one movement. On the contrary, it will be many small movements. It seems like the repairs of the complex technical mechanism - you need reading a long instruction before you will fix a small detail. But step by step every detail takes the right place and mechanism starts to work without your control.

Poor Beauty Behind the most attrctive avatars are hidden the most unhappy humans. I can't be convinced absolutelly but I meet interesting regularities in my life. When I say "avatars" I mean not only the virtual space. We all create such "avatars" in the real life and it reflects how others see us. In other words we create a certain appearance with many instruments (from gestures to cloth) which then we use as our "label". And we recognise people with the help of the such "labels", because we haven't ehough information about their. But in some causes "labels" become the single reality for people. How many times in your life you got rejections from people who was pretty or extremelly attractive? It's a normal to get rejection from other people. Every person has own lifes' views and everyone has right to choose companions. Everyone dosen't like you but you needn't it. But in case with an utterly attractive person the dramatically important thing underlies their behaviour. They refuse not because they don't like you, but because you can lower their social status. All things which is not support or increase their social status are denied automatically. So, in such case you communicate not with person, but with his or her fears and doubts.Attractive people who create a great distance between their own person and other world try to defense shaky balance of own psyche. Beauty, high self-evaluation (sometimes even selfishness) and indifference are the only tools for the psychic stability. When you communicate with such people you should rememder it because these persons can be more vulnerable than you imagine. Confident and healthy people don't build the social "fenсe", because they don't see dangers in every person.

Effective communications: the strategy of influence (Part 1) Working team is the complex structure which consists of many different components. The overall effectiveness of the team depends on each workers and his contribution. Nobody wants to do routine and difficult work and the motivation is a primary task for top-managers. Supervisors shouldn't use the strategy of a coercion although it's the easiest way for the solution of problems. But this is illusion. As soon as the "iron" grip of a head becomes weaker the working structure break. There is the common phrase in Russian language: "A chief only manages" (руководитель только руководит). It means the head of the department (branch, company) may not be great specialists or hasn't unique knowledge. He can't understand niceties of technology processes. But he should be perspicacious psychologist and wise strategist. I know about a few tools which is used by effective leaders. 1. Effective leaders implement the strategy of mutual exchange for building reliable communications in the working team. It ought to remarkable the leader takes an initiative and gives little concessions first. This method sets off feedback: inferior workers are forced to go on meeting. So, the chief attains the main goal. The first concessions (bye-the-way it may be a little gratuitous gifts or favors) are really insignificant, but it launches social and psychology patterns in employees minds. 2. The another way to activate workers for the solution organization is forming of the responsibility sense. People want to be sequential and are trying to act according the solution which has been made earlier. Thus if chief prepares the ground for responsibility he will get the great profit. For instance, head of department can conduct a survey about the most important features of brilliant workers (and learn opinions of workers). This may be the anonymous survey. Of course many workers will accent for "responsibility", "rationality", "accuracy", "can-do spirit". Leader needn't analyze answers. Afterwards when a worker get a new task he will want to follow the own opinion. It he think that good worker should be responsibility, he must be responsibility. This simply method characterizes off great power of automatically reactions.

Effective communication: play on opponent's side From time to time we faced with a really difficult person and such people can play the significant role in our career. It can be our chef, partner, sponsor or coworker. And we have to find way for the effective communication in this case. If we refuse to establish a good relationship with such people, we will risk to lose the great chance. But the way to the effective communication in this situation demands a penetration into opponent's world. I'd like to stress that such persons don't recognize the rules and regularities of the common game (when we start a prolonged interaction with other people we establish uniform rules, which include viewpoints of us and the opponent). Accordingly we can't create the field, which be used for the solution of problems and improvement. As a rule difficult persons have strong beliefs and strict patterns of social interactions. We have no chance to pull their from familiar environment or push into our milieu. All that remains for us -to play on the opponent's field. Firstly, the main goal of our communication should become the essential part of opponent's world. We shouldn't provoke the interlocutor's resistance, although it quires great accuracy. In this instance you can make two serious mistakes: one is the excessive pressure, the other one is loss of your own goal. It's similar to a searching of the necessary radio frequency, when a signal isn't strong. You should be very careful and choose communicative tools intelligently. To my mind in this case it's the best of use right a pace and a tone of speech (it depends on the opponent's psychical type), a smile or a friendly look, open poses. Anyway you have to perceive feelings of your interlocutor and pick the most effective strategy. This is will result to relaxation and calm our opponent. The second part is more difficult for realization, because you should not only save trust of opponent, but try to implement own rules. These rules mustn't contrast with principles of interlocutor's world. You will achieve a maximum results, if this person perceive your rules as his own (he can think that he create these rules). It's important to remember, opponent mustn't see you as the enemy. So, you will play on the opponent's side, but you will use profitable rules for you. Eventually field or side doesn't matter, because exactly regularities (the content of the game) determine the outcome of the match.

Effective communications: intuition What is the intuition? If we try to explain this phenomenon we will use categories from the daily life. Typically it means an irrational anticipation, which person can't explain or analyse. Such feelings help people to solve complicated problems, when decisions may seem unattainable. In fact, we don't notice work, done by the brain. During the day time our brain are processing great amount of information without our participation (I know, it sounds like the brain and other pats of body aren't the single entity). After registration of many signs our mind forms the best strategy and implements it. And in this moment we feel an anticipation, which leads us to the solution. I mean, the intuition doesn't come from the outside like the revelation. We work it out and it depends on our mind-resources. So, we should help yourself and unleash the possibility of consciousness. Many psychologists are convinced that people should relax the mind, when they need to solve the problem. It implies to abstract from the main troubles of the last days. We can switch to a breathtaking book or movie, to concentrate on a physical activity, to walk around the city or to meditate. The last way bye-the-way will get remarkable results, if you follow the rules. It helps to stop the flow of intense thoughts in your mind. And then we can reveal that solution was so easy. Also there is processing of a huge different information into our mind, when we are speaking with other people. The processing speed influences on the effectiveness of communications. If we can understand acts and words of an interlocutor subconsciously, we are able to react very fast. It brings the extra advantages in hard conditions.

Effective communications What is the most effective strategy for communication with the other people? Would you think about the feelings of an Interlocutor during a dialogue? As a rule we are concentrated on our thoughts and try to make a logical speech. But sometimes we forget that our Interlocutor can perceive information by other way. This mistake reduces the usefulness of communication. The main part of important information disappears between the two parties, they don't notice the lost data. Each of them comes back to own life filled by the distortion information. This failure is the most dangerous in work, because one wrong communication can knock off a company from right course. I believe reasonable communications are the basic foundation for any organization. What does it include? Firstly, you should see on communication not only from your own side. Different people have different systems of thinking and similar data can be processed variously. For instance, your can tell about a Friday party at an office after work and your boss, heard it, will suspect undermining discipline. But actually you wanted to make friends with the collective and understand boss better. It happens because people have patterns, which activates automatically. I tend to think that people should put theirself in a Interlocutor's place during the whole conversation. Thereby you speak and hear yourself simultaneously. After a few months training you won't divide this procedure on two part. Secondly I recommend you to watch for non-verbal reactions of your Interlocutor. Small and barely perceptible acts can tell about a real attitude to dialogue and to you. Interpretations of this signs is contained in NLP-books. To my mind these books get a lot of room for improvement and development of the main base skills. I'm quite sure everyone has such skills and can cultivate it or even reach a peak. If you learn to notice these signs you be able to create a comfortable atmosphere for your interlocutor or hold conversation under control. It's not all peculiarities of the person-to-person communication. I don't know did I write something helpful for you. But I want to show you I got upon these ideas after hundreds unsuccessful communications and I wanted to share the benefits of my experience.