You're missing a word in your transcription of the sentence which drastically alters the meaning of it. It is also important to look at this sentence in the context in which it is being said. The segment begins: "But if I find out that..." and ends with "..you are done!" This is a threat! If you do X, I will respond with Y. The speaker threatens the addressee (the person who is being talked to) that he has to report everything he knows/does or else there will be consequences. The part that you (almost perfectly) transcribed goes: "..[if] you're so much as farting without filing a report.." Notice the important word, "as". It serves to mean "even, merely". This is sarcasm – it is enough for the addressee to even just fart and not say anything about it ("file a report", a further exaggeration of the sarcasm) for the speaker to fulfill the threat.