Misunderstandings:

“People have the unique ability to listen to one story and understand another.”

"Let's eat grandma!"  [should be "Let's eat, Grandma."]
Punctuation and capitalization can save lives :) 

Grandfather talking to his wife: "In the moonlight your teeth look just like pearls."
Grandmother: "Who's Pearl, and what were you doing in the moonlght with her?" 

Don't TEXT me in that tone of voice.

If we can't solve it via email, IM, texting, faxing or phone calls, I guess we'll just have to meet in person.

When comforting a grammar Nazi, I always say softly "They're there their"

Bluebottle

There is an old English expression "there there" or "there there there"

The expression is said to convey comfort; to comfort someone; used to calm somebody or urge somebody to relax, especially when the person is crying. For example "There, there. Even though you broke up with her, you'll be fine."

"they're there their" is just a play on words.

@Leyla

Your subject (Idiot) reminded me a common (but not very polite) idiom in Persian: ''Oskol''...It means idiot in Persian...

Oskol is a bird who collect its food then forget where are the foods!! I don't know how much it is true, but this idiom is famous in Iran...Do you have such bird which is known because of its stupidity in remembering where is its food?

@Leyla. Yes! I see. I completely misunderstood. As soon as one writes even one word it is open to misunderstanding. Perhaps it is better to follow Churchill's dictum: 'we are masters of the unsaid words and slaves to those we let slip out.' and to say absolutely nothing. But, I have always thought that is good for lawyers, but pretty poor for the rest of us.

@Richard. I am still trying to figure out your three there theres! My goodness, I thought I had English nailed. I only knew one third of the story.