When i grow up ، i will be a millionaire.
first i will do is buy my dream car.
then my dream house.
after that، i will travel around the world.
last i will help people who need help.

Please may you correct my writing

Question

When i grow up ، i will be a millionaire.
first i will do is buy my dream car.
then my dream house.
after that، i will travel around the world. 
last i will help people who need help.

Please may you correct my writing

Answer

When I grow up, I will be a millionaire.
The first thing I will do is buy my dream car.
Then I will buy my dream house.
After that, I will travel around the world.
Finally, I will help people who need help.

The natural and correct way to request help to correct your sentences is: Could you please correct my writing?

Đừng bỏ lỡ cơ hội học ngoại ngữ ngay tại nhà. Hãy xem danh sách các gia sư ngôn ngữ giàu kinh nghiệm của chúng tôi và đăng ký buổi học đầu tiên ngay hôm nay!